#jeri is too actually

[aparticularbandit]

"They should've left me. After what I did. Don't they know that? I don't deserve to be here."

[raisinchallah]

the voyager doc will flop if robert duncan mcneil and garrett wang dont start hinting about a lost cut of the chute where things get a little steamy in all the trailers.... the art of documentary promotional cycle queerbait is a dying art

[teenagefeeling]

im so high i just almost typed "women" into the search bar of spotify bc a song i was listening to had a misogynistic line in it and i wanted to listen to songs by women instead

[flootzavut]

Rewatching the episode where Seven starts exhibiting multiple personalities and am yet again struck by how fucking amazing Jeri Ryan is and how much they wasted her as sexy set dressing. How they made this episode and then went "okay back to standing around glowering" I do not begin to understand.

It's almost weirdly impressive how Voyager managed to be so focused on Seven and simultaneously gave Jeri Ryan hardly any actual acting to do. The few times they do, I'm like "oh yeah she's such a great actress", and it really shows how underused her talents are the rest of the time. How you cast someone like Jeri Ryan and then just use her as eye candy who's repressing her emotions 90% of the time is beyond me.

[azazelsazaleas]

Set a course...for home

So I just finished Voyager. And I have thoughts.

Endgame, like the series, was good but felt like it could've been so much more. I'm not the first fan to point out that it's weird that the last thing we see is Voyager flying towards Earth, with no coda or montage or anything showing each of the crew when they get home. What really surprised me on this viewing (I saw it once back when it first aired, but it's been over 20 years and I barely remembered it) was how slow the pacing was until the last 20 minutes or so. I kinda feel like the writers could've trimmed a bit out of it so we could have a more satisfying denouement. Oh well. They got home, Janeway thoroughly wrecked the Borg, and I'm not going to lie - I got a little choked up when they fly out of the exploding Borg Sphere and Janeway says, "We did it."

With that said, may as well go through the good, the not-so-good, and any other random thoughts I have in retrospect.

The good :

Captain Kathryn Janeway.

I'm sorry, that deserves to be written thusly:

CAPTAIN KATHRYN FUCKING JANEWAY

Oh my god, I love this woman. I think, at this point, she's my favorite Star Trek captain and easily one of my favorite characters in the franchise. She absolutely radiates an aura of "I am in charge here, and this situation is going to go how I decide it goes," and she delivers every damn time. Strong-willed, controversial, authoritative, intelligent, creative, and just damned incredible. Janeway alone is a major reason to give this show a watchthrough.

Not to mention, Kate Mulgrew is a fucking INCREDIBLE actress. She brings 110% to every episode, and I swear to god, she basically carried the first two or three seasons.

And speaking of amazing actresses, Jeri Ryan was incredible. A lot of people loved her performance in Body and Soul (and yes, watching her channel Robert Picardo was delightful), but seeing her constantly changing personalities in Infinite Regress two seasons earlier was the big "Holy Shit" moment for me. Even beyond that, she was brilliant as Seven of Nine (and say what you will about ST:Picard, I loved seeing her step back into the role). It also doesn't hurt that Seven is one of the most interesting characters on the show, if not on Star Trek.

In general, the show had some great characters on the main cast. I found I really liked Tuvok and B'Elanna as well. Tim Russ nailed that "annoyed Vulcan who secretly cares" thing, and I thought B'Elanna's struggles with her identity were generally well-handled, at least for mid-late-90s TV.

I'm honestly surprised how fine I was with Tom/B'Elanna. I was not expecting that relationship to work as well as it did.

Speaking of "didn't expect that to work," Naomi Wildman was genuinely endearing as the "kid on the starship" character type that Star Trek seemed adamant on having in the 80s and 90s. I"m glad the writers learned their lessons post-Wesley Crusher.

Oddly enough, I also found I enjoyed some of the "bad" episodes - Threshold, Tuvix, etc. Voyager got pretty weird, so some of the more questionable creative choices were just damned entertaining. Not all of them, though. Which brings me to...

The Bad:

Oh my god fuck the Kazon. They are easily the worst recurring villain race I've seen on Star Trek. They don't even seem like ST villains, they seem like the kind of thing you'd see on a b-rate late night 1990s crappy sci-fi action show. They're like an attempt to make Klingon copies but without literally anything whatsoever that makes the Klingons compelling.

Speaking of which, fuck Seska, too. I still have a hard time buying that any self-respecting Cardassian would look at the Kazon and go, "yep, I'll throw my lot in with them."

The whole Neelix/Kes thing was...gross. I'm sorry, there's no way around that. They had no chemistry, no compelling reason to be in a relationship, and the whole thing with Kes's age felt like a variation on the theme of "she may look 12 but she's actually a 5000 year old dragon." Whichever producer came up with that needs to have something solid thrown at them.

In general, Neelix was just the worst character for the first couple or three seasons. He got a lot better, but early Neelix was...yikes. I got genuinely frustrated with how much time was focused on him.

I also have mixed feelings about Chakotay. Sometimes he was pretty great, but the whole behind-the-seasons thing with the "cultural advisor" made for some pretty bad early character building, and after they gave up on that, he felt kind of flat. And now that I think of it, inconsistent. It seems like the writers (at least in the early seasons) couldn't decide between making him a tough hardass who'll punch you if you don't get in line or the more calm, measured, cautious voice in contrast to Janeway's bullheadedness.

Seven/Chakotay was just...no.

Other random thoughts:

I have mixed feelings about the EMH. Robert Picardo was great in the role, but as the character progressed, I feel like he got away with crossing lines he really should not have. The entire episode Renaissance Man just pissed me off. Can't say I was thrilled with some of his behavior in Body and Soul, either. The whole running gag of him having a giant ego seemed to swing between hilarious and painful to watch, as well.

The show was good, but it felt like it could've been so much more. Part of it was Paramount's insistence on not having anything serialized, but part of it was also how actionized it got. There's a number of episodes that felt like they could've done something more interesting but instead the producers wanted phasers and explosions.

I have very mixed feelings about how the Borg were handled. On one hand, Seven is an amazing character, the Scorpion 2-parter is probably my favorite pair of episodes in the show's run, and there are a couple other Borg-relate episodes I liked. On the other hand, I thought the Borg as a direct threat got stale quickly, Dark Frontier nerfed them way too much, they felt underwhelming as an enemy in Endgame, and (yes I know this is more of a criticism of First Contact, but still) the Borg having a Queen ruins a lot of the creepy mystique they have. No matter how you slice it, I think the Borg as a recurring enemy were pretty much spent by the end of Voyager.

Favorite episodes (off the top of my head): Scorpion 1&2, Equinox 1&2, Bride of Chaotica!

Final score: 7 out of 9 (you were expecting anything else?)

[quasi-normalcy]

Star Trek series rated by horniness (as rated by me, an asexual, so you know its objective):

Star Trek: The Original Series - what is there to say for the series that invented slashfic, fuck-or-die, and Thiess's theory of titillation in costuming? The universe is full of greased-up pecs and scantily clad women wondering what is this thing you call...love? It's easier to mention the episodes that *aren't* horny. 10/10, for how could it be otherwise?

Star Trek: The Animated Series - It's a Saturday morning cartoon series from the 70s, and yet... 3/10, for the surprising number of scantily clad muscular guys

Star Trek: The Next Generation - Oh, we *start* quite horny; Roddenberry is keen to let us know that the android has a penis in the second episode; but then Roddenberry dies, and by the final season even Troi is wearing a sensible duty uniform. 6/10 for Will Riker, though

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - We've got Quark's, where the women are scantily clad, the holosuites are for fucking, and the waiters give themselves ear infections from doing too much oo-mox on themselves. We've got Jadzia Dax, who has three hundred years worth of sexcapades in two genders and will tell you about them at the drop of a hat. We've got Bashir and his sad blue balls for the first two seasons. We've got Klingons breaking each other's clavicles to initiate coitus. And we've got an enemy power led by the perpetual mind-melting gangbang that canonically is the Great Link. 9/10

Star Trek: Voyager - Weirdly conservative in its sexual politics. I mean, it goes out of its way to stick poor Jeri Ryan in that body condom, and there's a whole episode about space whales wanting to fuck the ship, and another one about Janeway wanting to fuck an Irishman, and *two* episodes about Pon Farr...actually, you know what? 6/10.

Star Trek: Enterprise - You know what, let me tell you about this series; this series is like a 14-year-old asexual boy boasting about his supposed sexual conquests in the hopes that it will endear him to the cool kids. It doesn't work; there's nothing genuine about it and everyone knows it; no matter how many innuendos he throws in, it's clear that there's no joy in it for him and he'd be happier if he could just go off and read comic books. Secretly, he wishes his friends still wanted to play with action figures. -1/10

Star Trek: Discovery - The show presents us with wall-to-wall gays who just...never seem to shtup each other. Like, I of all people know that sex doesn't define queerness, but...really? I guess maybe they're afraid of being less than wholesome? Anyways, 2/10 for that time that the Emperor went off to fuck a couple of Orions in the middle of a dangerous secret mission on the Klingon homeworld.

Star Trek: Picard - A series so sexless that it can't even show its main canonical couple enjoying each other's company for more than 5 seconds each season. And yet the chaste Jurati/Borg Queen pairing manages to be the hottest thing ever in the history of fiction. Anyway, I guess they technically had Agnes sleep with Rios in the first season, so 1/10.

Star Trek: Lower Decks - Oooh boy, we're at the heavy hitter now, my god. Completely, unashamedly horny. Gene Roddenberry *wishes* he could have done that orgy scene that people on Twitter were freaking out about. 11/10

Star Trek: Prodigy- They're *kids*. 0/10

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - Not really a lot, surprisingly given their TOS pastiche. Still, we get some stuff with Spock. 3/10.

[itsdefinitely]

you're the one that entered my clown car and now you complain that it's crowded

hey don't cry. the jeri/rys will never be able to share simple human intimacy. they'll never get to hold hands. why are you crying louder

[syrusinthedust]

Au where all of the characters played by Kim Whalen in the Hatchetfield Series are all supernatural and connected.

Like, Holloway we know is a witch and yeah some of them already have some supernatural connection, but like, I want more.

Becky Barnes is absolutely some kind of guardian Angel given she’s a warrior of light. She, along with Holloway, is the person who the others go to for help relating to supernatural stuff and injuries.

Girl Jeri gave birth to a hairy creature that lives in the woods, she’s a werewolf. The lumber-axe man has just lost his mind fully into the wolf, even when in human form, and now Jeri goes wolf to try to protect the kids at camp.

Stacy is that one friend who has like a sixth sense for people but it’s literally a sixth sense. She somehow hasn’t realized she’s psychic despite multiple other people directly telling her.

Karen Chasity is Also a werewolf and is related to Girl Jeri (And has a bad track record with controlling herself on the full moon, thus the cannibalism claim in hatchet town).

Miss Mullberry is theater teacher who goes “caw-caw” at some point. Make her into a half bird. Like a crow person, but nighthawk. She’s been banned from running the lost and found because she keeps on just taking the shiny stuff in it.

Liz Cunnigham we don’t know too much about other than helping charities and that she was once from clivesdale. So, since she was once a chemist, let’s make her into an actual Chemist who sells her products as a small company and that’s why they’re big enough to help charities and be in the honey festival.

Now I just need to figure out Sylvia, Jenny, Reese, and Miss Tessburger.

[jben073]

Grace Chasity headcanon rambles!

Some silly Grace hcs for @nighthaterfrfr!! I tried to mostly avoid any of mine that you mentioned something similar to in yours bc we had a good deal of overlap! :D

(Just to preface, one of my biggest headcanons is that Grace is autistic so there’s a good chance that some of these may be influenced by that! I did try to pick ones that are more applicable to canon though! [But if anyone wants any of those, I have about a million :3])

When Grace was a young child in elementary school (or Sunday school), she very innocently kissed Alice Woodward and felt something™. (She entirely represses this memory for YEARS.)

^ During her eventual sexuality crisis, despite not having talked to Alice for years outside of polite conversation if they ran into one another, Grace reaches out to her for support/to ask questions because she was the only out queer person that Grace knew and trusted enough not to out her. (Alice big sister mode activated.) 

^ (They’re so silly, they’ve literally never interacted outside of a throwaway line about them knowing and possibly disliking each other but to me they're friends who fell apart and eventually find each other again when they're both more grown as people.)

^ Also, ignore me indulging my other biggest hc which is that Grace is a lesbian.

Grace took piano lessons as a child and is actually quite good because she wanted to be the pianist for her church’s masses when she got older! She stopped taking lessons in high school, but she keeps up with playing in her free time to maintain the skill and occasionally help out with music at her church.

^ Richie constantly tries to convince her to learn anime openings and music from games that he plays for him (he begged her to learn Megalovania for weeks until she finally gave in).

She has never celebrated Halloween because her parents think it’s satanic so Ruth and Richie (who definitely still go trick-or-treating in high school) make a point to bring her some of their candy on the following school day.

^ She definitely doesn’t cry about this gesture later when she goes home!!

She is an absolute monster while playing board games, like she gets REALLY aggressive about them.

^ (definitely influenced by Angela's chaos on smosh games, especially the “be a little more gentle!! >:(” clip)

She can’t go to sleep (intentionally) without getting a kiss goodnight. At home, her parents kiss her on the forehead before bed and if she’s at camp, she has to get a kiss on the head from Girl Jeri if she wants to sleep well.

^ It disrupts her routine which makes it harder for her to wind down!!

^ I like to think that before the events of Abstinence Camp, she thought of Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri as older sibling figures.

She has never been to a sleepover because she’s never had good enough friends to be invited to one :(

^ The nerds + Steph very quickly remedy this!!

^ (quick ramble related to the last hc) During the first group sleepover, Steph wakes up in the middle of the night to get a drink, realizes Grace is still up, and after Grace sheepishly admits her dilemma following Steph’s prompting for an explanation, Steph very casually plants a kiss on her forehead and then goes back to sleep. Grace’s face is beet red after this and now she can’t sleep for an entirely different reason.

^ They're in love to me!!!

LIB related

(Based almost entirely on Blinky’s line about watching Grace and the nightmare about Max/Richie that implies she has the gift.) 

^ Grace has been connected to the Lords in Black since long before we see her, Steph, and Pete summon them in NPMD.

^ Much like Lex was friends with Webby as a child and forgot, Grace was friends with the LIB when she was young but grew out of it.

^ (I have a whole little overanalysis/hc set of things for this hc if anyone wants to hear :3)

After she starts using the Black Book, her appearance starts to very slightly change so that she always looks just a tiny bit off.

^ Her teeth are just a touch too sharp, her ears have the slightest point to them, and her eyes almost seem to shift in colour (depending on which LIB is influencing her).

^ But hey, it must just be a trick of the light!! She's so normal!! Dw about it!!!

She will occasionally feel the sudden compulsion to bite others (Nibbly is feeling silly!!)

^ She does not act on this… most of the time :3

One more silly one to end on

She once owned a Tamagotchi and became so deeply stressed over the state of this virtual creature that she made herself sick from anxiety. 

^ Karen and Mark confiscated the toy very shortly after this.

Anyway ramble's over now but my 45 page google doc of Grace hcs continues to grow every day bc I am fixated hard on this silly little show :3

edit: had to add the '^' thing because the bullets didn't indent properly for some reason!! every one that has that is attached to the previous one without it!

also idk why on mobile the sleepover hc and the Alice hc got cut short?? The sleepover one is supposed to say that now she can't sleep for an entirely different reason and the end of the second bullet says (Alice big sister mode activated).

[sophiaforevs]

Between the early cancellation of Discovery, Seven/Raffi and Mariner/Jenn being erased in their respective shows, and SNW having queer coded characters but not confirming anything on screen, I'm really afraid that we're entering another "No Gays in Trek" era.

For those who don't know, 90s era star trek featured so few queer characters b/c Rick Berman largely held a policy of not wanting any homosexuality in his shows. And yes, we all remember the handful of episodes that slipped through that addressed it but the fact remains that there were no canonically queer main cast members before Into Darkness in 2016 gave us a five second shot that could be cut when whoever was showing the movie found the idea of two men in a loving relationship disgusting.

Then we got Discovery with multiple queer characters that allowed people to feel seen. And people never stopped bitching about them. The amount of times that I've had to listen to people complain that Adira's only character trait is that they're non-binary despite that literally being a single thirty second scene and never brought up again makes me understand that they very likely don't want to like the queer characters in that show. And it's not that there aren't criticisms to be made about the queer representation in Disco: Discovery Buries it's Gays before the end of the first season. Making your trans characters aliens who already have a history of gender fuckery is problematic b/c it somewhat plays into the idea that queerness is unnatural for human beings. But I never hear those complaints. Only the pronouns. Only the "We get it you're gay but don't shove it down our throats." But I don't want to get too off topic.

Now Discovery is being canceled early. And by early I mean, the writers weren't given proper notice that their show was ending. They were halfway through production and allowed to adjust the end episodes of the season to try to give a satisfying ending.

In Picard and Lower Decks, we got two sapphic relationships ("sapphic" meaning a romantic or sexual relationship between two women who aren't necessarily strictly lesbians) and they were pretty good. People had been asking for Seven to be queer and Jeri Ryan had been playing her as such since her introduction (see again: Rick Berman) and to see her finally get to express that was really healing. Mariner got off to rocky feet when the creators tried to pull a "Dumbledore is gay" where they said she was bi but didn't commit to it, but they she actually got a fairly satisfying relationship in season 3.

But in their most recent seasons, both were completely written out. Seven/Raffi gave us no explanation beyond that they "broke up." They went out of their way to keep them from being on screen together for most of the season. Mattis said in a Reddit AMA that he wanted Seven to be captain and Raffi to be first officer at the end of the season and that Starfleet would have regulations against relationships between the two despite the biggest reason Seven was promoted to captain was that she was a rule breaker. We didn't even get that much for Mariner/Jennifer. Jenn just wasn't in this season except for two background appearances.

And in Strange New Worlds there's just… nothing. SNW is the most recent new show and there's no queer representation. They code Ortegas as gay but don't actually confirm it on screen. There's just… nothing.

And this is how you loose the culture war. The bigots make enough noise that the show that is supposed to be a beacon of diversity doesn't necessarily side with them but they just kinda bow out of the conversation. They decide that it's easier to not bother than to take a stand. And so I and many many queer star trek fans are left wondering:

Does the franchise even want us any more?

[aparticularbandit]

for 10/02/24

@kallisto-k - made progress on DR Femslash, and here are your additional words from Tamers post-canon!

They sit through a horrible movie, but that’s the only kind of movie Jeri can actually watch anymore.  Dramas remind her of the threat she caused, romances tend to end horribly (or make fun of everything, which isn’t her style), horror is the same as drama but worse – and in everything, there is so much tension that she feels herself winding like a spring but shoved into a box – a Jack ready to pop out when the crank goes just too far.

Horrible movies may be horrible, but they’re relaxing.  There’s no tension when she already knows what’s going to happen (or doesn’t get so invested in the characters that it matters).  Of course, Jeri’s worried that Rika is bored, which is its own sort of tension, but Rika shares popcorn with her, props her shoes up on the empty seat in front of her, and seems to enjoy things just as much as Jeri does.

(It’s the darkness and the cool that Jeri likes best, the taste of buttery popcorn on her tongue, the crisp pop of carbonated soda as it burns down her throat.  There was nothing like this in the Digital World, and there was nothing at all in the grip of the D-Reaper.  She should have starved in that bubble.  She still doesn’t know why she didn’t.)

[justarandombrit]

I did the thing again. If you missed the livestream but want to know what happened, I wrote down some notes again. (Spoiler warning, obviously, as I will mention who won the death match)

. The Nightmare Time theme is so fucking good

. Xander murdered Grace last death match and won

. James and Matt like wrestling (not each other - the sport)

. BOTTLE IMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!

. WORKIN BOYS GETS RELEASED ON YOUTUBE AT 425,000

. Lmao the backing music is Jane's A Car

. We are the Lords In Black

. HARMONY AND BARRY!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HARMONY SO MUCH

. Ted and Hidgens are a duo lmaoooooo

. Melissa and w o m a n

. Mariah really loved w o m a n

. CCRP set up a water filtration system that pissed people off

. USE IT OR LOSE IT

. Harmony and Barry are just so annoying that Paul and Emma want to fight them

. Paul is the first to die

. Coffee makes Barry stronger

. Jon is the only one who thought Paulkins would win

. Rip Harmony :(

. Paul throws spare change at Harmony and Barry, summoning the Homeless Man, who wins the fight for them

. Bill and Alice get an easybake oven stolen from them by Sherman

. Love Vs Crazy

. Frank and Bill get mistaken for eachother mid-fight

. Sherman is vicious

. Frank wants Sherman to die

. Alice eats Sherman's soul and becomes a little kid again

. Ruth has a crush on Hidgens

. Ted and Hidgens have a dead body???????

. The dead body is a Frankenstein amalgamation of all the Workin Boys

. Frankenruth?????????

. RICHIE HAS THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON HIS SIDE

. Ted and Hidgens win with help from the Workin Boy

. “w o m a n is here!”

“I'm fucking here, bitches”

. Shapiro + Bailey are looking for Roman

. Dog…

. Oh no

. Roman is the dog.

. Melissa and w o m a n die

. MISS HOLLOWEEN!!!!!!!

. Bottle Imps was supposed to be between Forever and Always and Time Bastard

. Bill meets the founder of CCRP

. CHARLES IS IN IT

. CHARLES FOUNDED CCRP

. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL COMMUNITY ORGANISING PRICK?!?!?!?!?

. HOWIE?!?!?!?!?!?

. Bill's been at CCRP 13 years

. Coven’s Communication Research and Power

. Charles wants… ALL the money

. If it's actually Billted oh my god…

. Jane didn't die, but their dog did so she divorced him

. THEY'VE COVERED THE PROTESTS LIVE AT THE HATCHETFIELD KENNEL

. THE PROBLEMATIC PUPPY BIT SOLOMON LAUTER

. DONNA WANTS THE DOG TO DIE

. THE DOG IS IN THE CAR

. THE DOG CAR RUNS OVER DAN AND DONNA

. GOT MY PAW ON THE GAS

. Everyone is cheating on each other

. Ethan used to bully Pete

. Pete and Steph don't tip

. Lex flips out

. Lex suddenly develops a gluten intolerance????

. Jason and Kyle save Steph and Pete

. Max breaks into Camp Idontwannabang, Grace reads him Bible stories, they're about to kiss, then Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri burst in to kill them

. Grace is so Jesus loving that Lumberaxe kills the Jerries

. MISS HOLLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

. Excorcism???

. “Christ’s in hell with your mother”

Riley

. Miss Holloway has a witch hat!!!!!

. Evil mask??

. Riley's in hell smh

. “You basic bitch”

. MISS HOLLOWAY THROWS HERSELF INTO A WOOD CHIPPER

. Joey is Ted again

. YELLOW JACKET

. Alice and Bill get pissed about Paulkins trash talking Mamma Mia

. Joey: “This is the future the libs want”

. General MacNamara drops in from a helicopter and shoots Bill and Alice in the head

. James will murder Paul and Emma himself if they survive again

. Ted accidentally confesses to murdering Ruth and Richie

. Joey: “Here's the thing, ACAB”

. Thrash murders Shapiro for being a cop lmaooooooo

. Sam’s a dick to Tim at Pizza Pete’s

. Hannah straight up murders Charlotte and Sam

. I have to go to bed :( (Stopped right before Holyghost v Lautity)

. I'm baaaa-aaaaaack! It's the next day, I have pancakes, and I'm just realising I accidentally wrote Lautity instead of Lautski… I just love them too much

. I haven't checked Tumblr cause I don't want to be spoiled for who wins

. OH SHIT WORKIN BOYS IS ON YOUTUBE

. I'm back on the livestream, I'll check that out later

. They're at Perky's Buds, Grace has dragged Max there for a protest, Steph dragged Pete there for weed

. Grace wants Steph to go to heaven

. Five minutes for A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?!?

. THEY DID IT IN ONE MINUTE

. Joey: “You horny little fucks”

. Max just murders Steph and Pete

. Max wouldn't want to hit a girl, Ziggs comes out, fails to land a single shot on them, but attracts the nighthawks which peck out Steph and Pete’s eyes

. Nicole Rodriguez is so fucking talented damnnnnnnnn, also I love Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise)

. This song will always destroy me emotionally :(

. Why is Joey doing a British accent lmaoooo

. This isn't the next scene, but is after it chronologically

. BRENDA!!!!!!!!!!

. BRENDA WORKS AT MISS RETRO'S

. If only it was a real werewolf… Wayward Guide, anyone?

. “Shit-eating grin” is my favourite Americanism. It's so funny I love it

. I kinda love Tucker

. More skidoos???

. Kyle's in college?????????????? Damn

. Even Stacy's in college

. Miss Holloway: “Cause the 80’s were bitchin’ ”

. Oh nooooo :(

. Miss Holloway: “The intranet”

. Oh god

. Oh shit

. Oh fuck

. Even though I knew this was going to happen I'm still devastated

. Oh god :((((((((

. God we need NMT3

. Joey: “Is this a bad time to announce Curt and Kim are getting divorced?”

. VIRGINITY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. Tedgens are stealing from CCRP, Paulkins are about to go on a date, they find them, and Hidgens goes all murder-crazy

. Corey: “Some of us are wrong and many of us are right”

. Joey: “Jon, Ted is gooning all over this office”

. Jon: “Great job everybody, all the food is gonna be poisoned next week”

. Goddamnit I just got spoiled for it :(

. Tedgens manage to find the Bastard's Box and trap Paul and Emma in it

. Hidgens hears Workin Boys coming from the box, but Ted stops him from touching it

. Tom and Becky want to buy the Waylon Place, and find Grace and Max burying Pete and Steph

. Tom coaches the Hatchetfield Nighthawks??????????

. Gen Z Vs Millennials

. Someone pulled $800 from the Kickstarter :(

. Will arrived literally as soon as Max died

. Grace and Max are ghosts now

. Meg Lloyd is also insanely talented

. Will loves Tom and Becky

. Sauce Saturday

. RUN AWAY WITH MEEEEEEE

. They're in the Starlight theatre, Wilbur is there for some reason

. “He was driving the car that killed your dog”

. NOOOOOOO JENNY

. LAUREN!!!!!

. Wilbur just straight up cheats so Tedgens win

. OHHHHHHH TED VS HIDGENS

. Ted always dies though :/

. A girl Miss Holloway saved has died

. MISS HOLLOWAY IS RENEGOTIATING HER DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. Lore….

. Miss Holloway chops off her toes?????

. AND DIPS THEM IN CHOCOLATE?????????

. AN OLD POP STAR THE WORLD’S FORGOTTEN

. That's what that tune is called?

. OH MY GOD THE LORDS

. I NEED TO DRAW THIS

. Why do the Lords eat toes

. Blinky has a mouth???????

. Nibbly lmao

. Mariah: “Lauren, you're muted, baby”

Lauren (muted): “FUCK”

. Blinky, my love

. This is so fanfiction coded I love it

. Tinky likes Miss Holloway????? Duke really was right about everyone being in love with her

. I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY

. Lmao Tinky

. Double calculators, and an abacus????

. Blinky (covering his ears): That's a bad word!

. BLINKY HAS EARS??????

. HER NAME

. BE A PALLY WAL

. OH MY GOD MISS HOLLOWAY

. Ted wins!!!

. THEY'RE GONNA DO DND

. Well.

. Nightmare Time Cover!!!!!!!! Needy Beast, my love

. Oh god that was amazing

[hatchetfield-omegaverse]

Hail Petey, Full of Grace Chapter 3

Chapter 3; The Good Shepherd

AO3 LINK

Summary:

“Who says Jerry doesn't know?”

“Come on.” He almost laughs at her weak defense. “We both know that if Boy Jerry found out that I was, in your own words, preaching to the campers he'd have me back in solitary for the rest of camp.”

They've reached the Gomorrah Cabin by now, and Pete doesn't bother waiting for her answer before going inside and plopping down onto his bed. He expects Jeri to leave him, she probably has a million things to do around camp, but she doesn't. Instead she walks in and sits on the bed beside him.

“He really does care about you, you know?” She says after a moment. Pete doesn't bother hiding the snort she illicit. “I mean it. He cares about all his campers.”

“Well he has a funny way of showing it.”

-

A/N: And after taking a short break for the holidays we are back! This was originally going to be just one chapter, but I went feral and wrote 17k words, so I decided to break it into two chapters for an easier reading experience. I hope you'll enjoy!

-

Ted,   

It feels silly writing you this letter. Calling you would be so much easier, but of course the Jerries don't allow any phone calls unless they're for ‘an actual emergency’. I don't know how calling my brother could increase the urge to masturbate but they're pretty insistent that it would, so we're stuck writing letters. Steph keeps joking that it makes her feel Amish. 

The baby is doing well so far, Steph and I've started calling them Bean until we have a name picked. They decided they want to take martial arts like their uncle, and they keep practicing on my liver. Apparently they're the size of a butternut squash now (at least that's what that book Emma got me on baby development says) but I swear they feel bigger. The morning sickness finally stopped, thank god, and now they're on a mission to get me to drink as much chocolate milk as possible. Steph says they take after me.

Camp has been okay. There were some hiccups settling in the first week, but everything seems to be settling down now. The Jerries are every bit of crazy as you said they were, especially Boy Jerry. You'd think that stick he has shoved up his ass would be counterproductive to the whole ‘abstinent for life thing’, but I doubt he'll remove it anytime soon.

Girl Jeri is slightly better, I suppose. She just pities me I think, which is better than acting like my very existence is offensive. And she lets me skip any camp activities that are too physical for someone in my condition so that's a plus. 

The rest of the campers are nice at least. Alice is at camp this year- I guess her mom decided to send her cause she kept sneaking out- so I know two people here.  Well, three if you count Grace Chasity. She's in her element at camp, since she's  probably the only person who genuinely enjoys the whole abstinence thing. I thought she was a lot before, but her antics at school have nothing on the stunts she's pulled at camp. 

She's gotten really overbearing excited to help with the pregnancy too. She's already claimed herself as the baby's godmother. I can't even tell you how many Bible stories she's read to Bean. At least she's friendly though. I'd rather have Grace as a friend than an enemy. 

She's also really worried about Bean being born out of wedlock, so much so that she's convinced the Jerries to hold a wedding for Steph and I during parents weekend. She's sending out invites to all the parents as I write this, so I'm sure your invitation will get there shortly. Honestly we almost said no to the wedding, but the look on Boy Jerry's face when he realized he'd have to let us share a cabin convinced us. Besides, I already know I want to spend my life with Steph, so it's not that crazy.   

I can't wait to see you at parents weekend. There's so much I want to tell you, but its better if we speak in person. I lov I'll be glad to see you again. And even gladder to come home with Bean and Steph. See you in two weeks.

                                        -Peter Spankoffski 

“Last call for mail!”

Pete jumps at the sound and hurriedly stuffs his letter into an envelope, placing one of the camp's custom Camp Idontwannabang stamps (complete with a cross and dove) in the corner before rushing to the main building where a line of campers is already forming. He groans at the sight, knowing Bean is going to Hate™ waiting in that line just to mail a letter. 

Still, there's nothing he can do about it: his letter needs to get mailed this week so he can tell Ted about the wedding before the invitation comes. So, already dreading the ache in his back this will cause, Pete gets in the back of the line. Well he tries to at least. But, just as he's gotten in the line, Grace comes running to the building holding a sack, a literal sack, of letters. 

“Make way, I need to mail these wedding invitations. We don't want any of our parents not to have a gift for the parents of Christ, do we?” She says, elbowing her way to the front of the line. The other campers, to Pete's shock, let her cut past them without a single complaint. Then again, he supposed it wasn't that shocking that they'd let her do that. It was becoming very clear that Grace Chastity held all the real power at Camp Idontwannabang. 

“Pete!” She spots him and runs over. “Why are you waiting in line?”

“I want to mail a letter?” He states, as if it isn't obvious. “To my brother, just to tell him about the wedding.”

Grace sighs, shaking her head at him as if he was dumb. Then, in a swift motion, she's adjusted her sack and grabbing his hand. “You still don't have to wait in the line.” She says as she pulls him forward, “You're carrying the Messiah, you go first.” 

“Grace I don't think that's a go-”

“It's fine. Look, you said that the baby gets fussy when you're stuck in long lines right?” He nods at the question. “Then this is for the good of the baby. Now come on. Okay everybody, out of the way, mother- sorry- father of christ coming through.” 

They're at the front of the line before Pete can say another word. “Here we go. I made one for everyone on your list, and all the parents coming to camp.” Grace says as she places the sack on the table. Then she reaches into a pocket and pulls out a baby blue envelope. “And this is for my parents. They'll be so excited for you.”

Boy Jerry looks at the pile and grimaces. “Don't you think that's a lot of invitations Grace? I doubt every parent needs to know about the wedding, they're visiting to check on their children after all.”

“Pardon my French Jerry but pish posh applesauce. Who wouldn't want the opportunity to see the parents of Christ get married? It's historic. Why, if I thought it was a good idea, I'd contact the news so they could televise it.”

Pete pales at the mention of the news. The last thing he needed was Day Reynolds and Donna Daggit reporting on his wedding. “Please don't contact the news, Grace.” He blurts. 

“You don't want the news here, Peter?” Boy Jerry turns on him, his ever present smile turning almost predatory. “Why on Earth not? Don't you want people to know you're carrying Christ, S-man?” 

“I…”, Pete swallows, trying to come up with an answer. Fuck, he should have just kept his mouth shut. 

“It's for their safety, Jerry.” Grace cuts in before Pete can come up with an excuse. “Look at how King Herod pursued Jesus. And now the world is so much more connected than it was when Jesus was born. Imagine how many awful people would try to hurt the little Messiah if they found out now. So it's safer if Peter pretends he's having a regular baby, isn't that right Peter?”

“Yeah.” Pete nods, ever thankful for Grace's ability to use the Bible to justify anything. Really, it should concern him how good she is at that, but that's a problem for another day. “I want Bean to have a normal childhood, not one where they're hunted by strangers for being the second coming.” 

“Exactly. I didn't even put that on the invitations.” Grace nods. Pete quietly thanks whatever god is listening that she left that off the invitations. God knows what Ted would say if he saw that . It's better if only certain people know for now.” 

“Then why, if I might ask,” Jerry starts through gritted teeth, “did you tell everyone at camp? That's a lot of people to trust with your secret.”

“Well this is a godly camp, isn't it?” Pete counters, thinking on his feet. “I knew that none of you would want to see my baby hurt. Especially you, Boy Jerry. I mean, what kind of godly man would want to see a baby harmed? Let alone a baby that's the Messiah.” 

Jerry nods in response, looking like he sucked on a lemon. Pete has to stop himself from laughing as he puts his envelope in the mail bag. “There we go, I wanted to personally invite my brother to the wedding.” 

“Right.” Jerry nods, the vein in his head bulging. “Well if that's all you should get back to your afternoon activities.” 

“Of course.” Grace says, voice as chipper as always, and drags Pete away. “See you at the evening sermon Boy Jerry!” 

Pete waits until they're just out of earshot before breaking down into laughter. “Did you see his face?” He says between bouts of laughing. “I thought his head was going to explode when you mentioned King Herod.” 

Grace watches for a minute before she's infected with his laughter, tears welling up in her eyes and clutching her sides from the force of it. They stand there like that for a moment, laughing in the middle of the Witchwood like a couple of fools. Pete's sure that anyone who saw them would think they were insane, but he honestly can't bring himself to stop. 

“Thank you.” He says when he's finally able to stop laughing. “For defending me all these times. You've been a good friend, Grace.” The most shocking part is that he means it. Prior to camp he never would have considered Grace Chasity a friend, she was an acquaintance at best, but now? 

She'd stuck her neck out for him multiple times now, gone to solitary for him (a fate that Grace clearly considered worse than prison). Even now, with the Jerries too afraid of another mutiny to actually punish him, Grace protected him every time Boy Jerry so much as implied that he was lying. 

That had to make them friends right? Even if it was all based on a lie. 

“Of course, Peter. I can't let Boy Jerry besmirch your or the baby's reputation.” Grace shakes her head. She goes quiet for a moment. Then, so softly Pete almost doesn't hear her, she speaks. “You know, I've known the Jerries my whole life. I looked up to them for staying abstinent as adults despite the pressure from society. Boy Jerry was the one who taught me that I need to control how I behave so others don't have lustful thoughts. But what they did: calling you a liar, locking you up, denying your baby as their savior. I can't believe that they would do that. I never thought of them as Pharisees.”

“Well,” he swallows, looking for something to comfort her with, “they might come around. People didn't believe Jesus at first, did they? He had to prove himself as the savior before he gained followers.” He says hoping his (poor) knowledge of the Bible won't fail him. 

“I guess you're right. It's just disappointing.” Grace maneuvers around his bump to hug Pete. He returns the gesture, clearly she needs the comfort. “Thank you for showing me the truth. I'm glad God picked you to bring Christ back to Earth.” 

“You're welcome, Grace.” He says, thankful she can't see his wince at the lie. 

Part of him wants to move on, to change the subject to something less uncomfortable, but the sound of her saying, ‘ control how I behave’ keeps playing on his head on repeat. Grace had been taught that since she was a kid. All the campers here had been taught that. It was no wonder she was like that . 

Pete's parents, Anna and Buster Spankoffski, had died before they'd gotten to have the talk with him, but they'd always made sure that he knew that no meant no. And Ted… Ted had stressed the importance of consent from the moment he'd adopted Pete, in his own Ted way of course. He could still remember the talks. ‘ Okay Petey, if anyone ever touches you and you don't want that, you knee them right in the dick. Understood?’ 

Grace never learned any of that from the church. But maybe that could change. She certainly trusted him, and the others trusted Grace. Pete's not sure what to say to her, but he knows he can't let this slide, not when he might have the power to change it. So, before he's even realized what he's doing, Pete opens his mouth and- 

“Grace? You know that stuff Boy Jerry told you about controlling how you behave is wrong, right?”

Grace stares at him like he's grown a second head. “No, it's true. If I act like a harlot I’ll lead men to sin. I’d be no better than Lilith.”

“But that's not true. It's their job to control how they react.” Pete thinks back to all the Bible stories she'd told him so far, looking for any evidence. He's not as good as Grace at twisting the Bible to suit his needs though, so he comes up empty. “Doesn't Jesus say to pluck your eyes out if they cause you to sin?”

Grace nods. “Yea in, Matthew 5:29.” 

“There you go then! Even Jesus doesn't think that. If someone looks at you with lust, that's not your fault, it's theirs.” 

“But the Jerries are pastors. Why would they get that wrong?” 

“They think I'm lying don't they? Maybe they're wrong about other things.” 

Grace blinks once. Then twice. Pete can almost see the gears turning in your head. “You're sure?”

Pete nods. Time to go in for the kill. “God picked me to carry the Messiah right? That must count for something.”

“I guess you're right.” Grace nods. Then she goes silent and stays that way as they walk. Pete is just beginning to question if he's done something wrong when she finally speaks again. “I need to go back to my cabin. I'll see you later, Peter.”

Then, without another word, she's gone. Pete sighs as he watches her walk away. He watches her until she reaches her cabin, disappearing from sight. It's only when she's gone does turn and heads towards the lake, hoping he can find Steph. He can only hope he did the right thing.

-

It isn't until after dinner that Pete sees her again: the evening sermon has just ended, Boy Jerry having spent it warning the camp of the danger of deceivers. He'd pivoted away from his usual talks on the importance of abstinence as of late, instead choosing to focus on false prophets. He's never too direct of course, not wanting to incur Grace's wrath once more, but it's still obvious who Jerry means when he speaks.

Pete, for his part, is picking and choosing his battles and this isn't worth the effort. Besides, it's funnier watching Jerry fume when he doesn't react. So he pretends not to notice how Jerry looks at him every time he mentions snakes in the grass, or how every day less and less people are paying attention. 

Luckily, it was the last sermon of the day, and Pete can spend the rest of the evening enjoying himself. So he's with Steph, sitting under an old oak tree, coming up with baby names.

“I'm not naming our child Eleanor, Pete.” Or well, trying to come up with names. They'd mostly been shooting down suggestions. Not that Pete was complaining, of course. He was just happy to spend some time with her. 

“What's wrong with Eleanor? It means shining light, which is pretty and we can call her Ellie for short. And she can have Eleanor Roosevelt as a role model.” 

Steph snorts. “So, you don't think I'm enough of a role model, is that what you're saying?”

Pete blanches. “No, I didn't mean that at all. I just meant-” 

Steph presses her lips to his in a quick kiss, effectively stopping all thoughts. She pulls away, giggling, and shoves his shoulder playfully. “Dude, I'm just messing with you.” 

He sighs in relief. “Oh thank god. I don't want you to think that I think you're a bad role model or something. You're amazing. It's just good to have multiple role models, you know?”

Steph smiles at him. “You're such a nerd, Spankoffski.” She says in lieu of an answer.

Pete can't help but laugh at that. “Maybe. But I'm your nerd.” He retorts. 

“Damn right, you're mine.” She says with such ferocity that Pete has to look away to keep from blushing. Honestly it was rude of her, teasing him like that in abstinence camp of all places. Especially when she knows how his hormones have been lately. 

“Okay. Back to names before I do something that gets me thrown in solitary again.” He says, trying to think of anything to cool his racing heartbeat down. Eventually he settles on Boy Jerry naked, and that seems to do it. 

Steph laughs again. “Fine, but I swear once we're married…” She doesn't finish her sentence and Pete can only imagine the things she has planned. “What about Alexis?”

“Ehh, it's okay. I like Alexandria better though.” He says then, after checking that the coast is clear, lays his head on her lap. The counselors had been more lenient about letting them be alone since their engagement, but Pete doubts they'd let something like this slide. He already knows they'd consider his head way too close to her crotch. 

“We can put it in the maybe list for now.” Steph says, reaching down to pet his hair. Pete sighs at the touch: Steph had always been a fan of resting her head in his lap and letting him play with her hair. Of course, she hadn't been able to do that since he'd started showing, the bump taking up too much room on his lap for her to feel comfortable. Never one to give up, she'd taken to reversing their roles, pulling his head into her lap and playing with his hair instead. He'd been against before, feeling awkward with that level of intimacy, but the first touch of her hands against his scalp. Her touch always seemed to relax him, his stress melting away under her careful ministrations until all that was left was them. Pete definitely understood why Steph loved it so much. 

“What about Amelia?” He asks, closing his eyes. He could definitely fall asleep like this if he wasn't careful. 

“I like Amelia but I feel like everyone would call her Mia, which I don't like.”

“Fair.” Pete says. “Remind me again why we need a girl's name again? I'm positive we're having a boy.” 

“Because the doctor couldn't tell us for certain, remember?” 

“Oh, right.” He'd gone in for one last appointment the week before camp, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make any more appointments over the summer. After giving him plenty of pamphlets on the signs of pre-eclampsia and making him promise to call if he felt the slightest big off, the OBGYN had given him one last sonogram in hopes of finding out the gender. It was all for naught though: Bean had kept their legs fully crossed the entire appointment, and no amount of coaxing could convince them to move. Eventually Pete had resigned himself to not knowing, but every fiber of his being screamed that he was having a boy. 

“Besides, with our luck we'll plan for a boy and have a girl. It's better to be prepared.” 

“Alright, alright, I concede. You're right.” Pete snorts. He wants to say more but before he can, his attention is caught by the large group coming towards him. “What the hell?” He mumbles as he sits up. 

There's at least 10 people in the group, all girls, probably 12-17 if Pete had to guess, but that's not what catches his attention. No, instead it's Grace who catches his attention, leading the group with her Bible pressed firmly to her chest. She walks right Pete, the rest of the group stopping a few feet away, and looks him dead in the eye before speaking. “Tell them what you told me earlier.”

“What?” Steph asks. 

“Tell them what you told me earlier.” She repeats herself. “About plucking your eyes out.”

Pete winces. Fuck. He pushed it too far and Grace realized he's a fraud. She's going to denounce him in front of everyone and he's going back to solitary for the reminder of camp. “Grace-” 

“Please.” She cuts him off. Pete wants to tell her to forget it, but then he looks Grace in the eye and sees it. She's not staring at him in anger, or hurt, or betrayal. No, she's looking at him in desperation. “They want to know.” 

“Okay.” He swallows. “Well Jesus said to pluck your eyes out if it'll prevent you from sinning. So that means that it's not your fault if someone looks at you in lust.” 

“But Boy Jerry says that we'll tempt the guys if we're not careful. That’s why we have to wear swimsuits in the bathroom.” One of the younger girls, Pete thinks her name is Rachel, says in confusion. 

“If looking at you tempts them then that's something they need to deal with. You just focus on yourself.”

“So our job is just to focus on our own path of abstinence? Not theirs?” Another girl asks. 

“Yeah. Something like that.” He nods. 

“I told you.” Grace says, turning towards the group. “Peter is being blessed with the teachings of the baby savior. We need to listen to him.”

He blinks. “I don't know if I would say blessed.” He tries to explain. 

“But you are blessed.” Grace insists. “The baby must be communicating with you in the womb so you can teach us their wisdom. Oh Peter, you're so lucky to have such a holy experience.” 

Steph looks at him in confusion but Pete just nods at her to just go with it. The last thing they need is to get caught in a lie. 

“I guess I am lucky. Okay then,” he gestures for the others to sit, “what do you want to know?”

There's a barrage of voices speaking all at once, some louder than the others. “Girls!” Grace shouts, watching as they all quiet at her command. “One at a time please.”

There's a raise of hands and Pete eventually settles on one. She's one of the younger girls, wearing yellow overalls over her pink camp shirt and flowers braided into her hair. She speaks in a soft voice, body trembling as she does. “I started bleeding today. From down there.” She points at her legs. “But I'm not hurt. Is that the devil trying to punish me?”

“Oh sweetie, no.” His heart aches at the fear in her voice. “That's not the devil. That's just your period.” 

“What's a period?” She asks. 

Pete blinks. Surely she was old enough to get the talk. Why wouldn't her parents teach her what a period was. God, it was probably another purity thing. He bristles at the realization. Those assholes. 

“Well it's a sign you're growing up. When you get old enough you have periods to tell you that you can have babies. And once a month, you'll have a period to tell you that you're not pregnant.”

She gasps. “But I don't want to have a baby yet.” 

“It's okay. You won't have any until you're married.” Pete says hurriedly, hoping it'll reassure her. “There's a lot to it and I can explain more later, but why don't you go with Grace to get cleaned up and get a pad to absorb the blood, okay?”

She nods and Grace stands up, taking her back to the cabins. Pete waits for them to leave before turning back to the group. “Okay who's next.”

He spends the next two hours answering question after question. Most of them are puberty related, their parents too scared of tainting their purity to actually teach them about their bodies. Some are about relationships, and Pete is sure to emphasize that they can love (or not love) whoever they want. From what he's seen the church is accepting of gay relationships, but he's not risking it. He doesn't actually mention the topic of abstinence, not wanting to poke that wasp's nest quite yet. Maybe one day he'll tell them that having premarital sex isn't evil, when they trust him more. But today is not that day. 

The girls soak up what he says like sponges, he even sees some of them taking notes. They're clearly desperate for a role model that isn't Boy Jerry and Pete is happy to provide that, even if he's not sure if he's a good one. He cares about actually educating them though, and that's more than he can't say about Jerry. 

The group only breaks when they're called to head back to their cabins for the night. “Can we ask your more questions tomorrow Peter?” Another girl, Sarah asks. 

He nods. “Of course. Same time, same place.” He looks at the group when it hits him. “And don't tell the Jerries about this okay? We've seen that they don't believe the way we do.”

They nod and, satisfied that they won't get in trouble for daring to ask questions, Pete sends them on their way. Eventually, it's just him and Steph again under the tree. “Sorry about that.” He apologizes with a smile. “I didn't mean for our evening to get interrupted.”

“It's fine. You were spreading your teachings to the masses.” Steph snorts. She stands up, offering a hand to him to do the same. “Let me walk you back to your cabin?”

“Of course.” He says, taking her hand. They make their way back to the Gomorrah Cabin slowly, neither in any hurry to end their night together. “Thank you for rolling with it. For a second I thought Grace was going to say I was lying.”

“She's definitely a true believer.” Steph says with a grin. “Which is good for us.”

“Yeah. I can't believe one joke turned into all this.”

“It's a lot.” Steph sighs. “But it keeps you safe so I don't care. I hated seeing that dick try to humiliate you.” 

“I knew he would do it. But it's nice being untouchable.” 

“It is. And you were pretty good back there. You could start your own religion if you wanted to.” Steph smirks. 

He laughs at the joke. “Think it's a little late for that. Petei-ism seems to be getting popular. Maybe we can buy a church.” 

“Good idea. You can't tax churches.” They both break out in laughter at that. “I mean it though. You're good with kids.”

“I'd hope so, I don't think Bean is going wait for us to become good with kids to be born.” He reaches out to hold her hand. 

“Probably not.” She shrugs. “But you're better than all of their parents at least.”

“I can't believe anyone could teach their child that.” Pete groans. “That little girl had no idea what a period is. She thought that she was being punished! Punished!”

“It's awful.” Steph agrees. 

“As long as Bean doesn't end up like that I will consider it a success.” Pete stops as the Gomorrah Cabin comes into view. It's a completely different sight than when he'd arrived. Girl Jeri had taken it upon herself to do small repairs that the cabin needed: she's replaced the wobbly steps, oiled the creaky door, and even painted the spots where the paint was chipped or peeling. It almost looked like a normal cabin, save for the sign with Gomorrah painted on it in big letters. 

“Here we are.” Steph sighed as they walked to the door. “Your cabin.”

“It'll be our cabin soon.” He smiles. “I've already pushed the beds together.” 

“Our cabin.” Steph repeats with a smile. “I can't wait.” 

“Did you tell your dad?” Pete asks. He can't imagine Solomon being supportive of the wedding, judging by his reaction to Bean's existence.

“No. I'm just going to let Grace's invitation tell him, he'll take it better from someone else. And I really don't care. We're only in this position because of his stupid campaign and if he doesn't like it then tough shit.”

Pete laughs at her blunt words, falling more in love with her as she speaks. “Fair enough. I told Ted. He'll freak out and think we're being pressured if I don't say something.” 

“At least he's supportive.” Steph sighs. “I hate my dad for doing this to you.”

“He's not doing anything to me. I'm here willingly.” Pete promises  

Steph gives him a look. “We both know you wouldn't be here if he hadn't forced me to go.” 

“Maybe.” Pete shrugs. “That doesn't matter though.” 

“I still hate him.”

“I know.” Pete sighs. “You know, we'll be married. You could always move in with me and Ted after camp.” 

“I could. And it would be good for Bean.” Steph smiles at the idea. “You sure you won't get sick of me?”

“Positive.” He smiles. A single firefly flies between them and, soon enough, there's an entire swarm of them around the cabin, illuminating the night as they dance around them. It looks like something from a romcom. Getting an idea, Pete pulls her as close as physically possible before pressing a kiss to her lips. It's one of the few they've shared since arriving at camp, and he's sure to pour all his love for her into it, knowing he probably won't get another chance to kiss her until their wedding. 

“Good.” Steph breathes when they finally pull apart. Pete can't help but smile at how breathless he's left her, knowing he feels the exact same. “You know, I'm liking this marriage thing more and more everyday. I'm kinda glad Grace suggested it.” 

“So am I.” Pete nods. He turns to open his cabin then pauses, a thought hitting him. “What about Grace? For a girl.”

There's a beat of silence before they both exclaim, “Absolutely not!”, simultaneously. Pete laughs at their syncing before continuing. “You're right. It's a bad idea.” 

“It is.” Steph says. “Can you imagine what she'd do if she thought we were naming the ‘second coming of Christ’ after her? It would go to her head.”

“You're right.” Pete smiles. It isn't until a counselor orders Steph to go to her cabin that they exchange goodnights, and it's not until he sees her safely go in her cabin that Pete goes inside his own. He smiles as he shuts the door. This wedding was the best thing to ever happen to him.

-

“Oh Peter! Not like that!” Grace scolds as she takes his latest flower from him. “You need to fold it like this, that way they seams aren't visible.” 

Or maybe the wedding would be the death of him. 

With Parents Weekend fast approaching, preparations for the wedding had gone into full swing. Grace had taken over most of it, and Pete was more than happy to give her control. So for the most part, Grace had made all the decisions, only occasionally asking him or Steph for their input. So far she'd planned the food, music, and even seating arrangements without any problems. It was when it came to decorations that they hit a snafu: Grace wanted the wedding to have real decorations, the kind that they didn't have access to while at camp. She'd agonized over it for days before Pete, taking pity, suggested that they reuse what was available at camp. Grace had taken to the idea like a house on fire: lanterns were made into centerpieces, the baskets they wove filled with wedding programs she'd managed to print out. She even wanted to use the wallets they made as wedding favors. 

The only thing missing was flowers. Pete was fine doing without and he knew Steph felt the same, but Grace was determined to give this wedding flowers. She'd already found several patches of wildflowers around the forest and was monitoring them to ensure they would be perfect for the big day. Still, it wasn't enough for Grace. She was just short of trying to smuggle in a florist when Girl Jeri had an idea. 

She showed all the girls (and Pete) how to make flowers out of tissue paper and string them into garland. Grace had loved the idea and immediately roped everyone into making them with her. “Many hands make light work.” She'd stated at the time. 

Which is how he ended up here: in an assembly line making tissue paper flowers. He and Steph made flower after flower while Grace strung them into the garlands. It was fine at first. The flowers were easy enough to make and between all the volunteers he didn't have to make that many flowers. He thought it would be fine. Of course he forgot one thing. 

Grace Chastity has control issues. 

Pete has to bite his tongue to keep from groaning as she demonstrates how to correctly fold the flower. It was at least the tenth time she'd done something like this, despite the fact that the flowers looked exactly the same no matter which way you folded them. He wonders briefly if she's always had such bad control issues, or if her newfound power at camp had brought them to light, before she hands him the ‘fixed’ flower with a saccharine smile. 

“See? Doesn't it look so much better this way?” 

“Yeah, Grace. It really does.” Pete deadpans. “I'll be sure to fold them that way from now on.” 

“Good! Your wedding has to be perfect.” She claps her hands together in excitement at the thought. The action is enough to make Steph snort, her dark eyes twinkling as she shoots Pete a bemused smile. His lips stretch to match instantly. “Now where was I?” 

She turns back towards her Bible and begins reading again. She did this a lot lately: picking a story about Jesus’ life as they worked and reading it aloud for Steph and Pete (not that either of them ever really listened). Apparently she wanted to make them experts in the Bible before Pete gave birth, that way she could teach the baby their purpose. He had no intentions of forcing religion on any of his future children, but Pete figured it was easier to just let Grace read than argue with her about it. 

Today's story was about Mary and Joseph losing Jesus while traveling and finding him at a temple in a discussion with religious scholars. “Even as a child Jesus knew that he was holy!” Grace had said when she'd picked out the story. She seemed to think it was a good thing, yet all Pete could think about was Mary. How'd she'd spent three days searching for her son before she'd found him. Three days where she didn't know if her child was safe. The mere idea turns his blood to ice. It isn't until he feels a hard kick against his ribs that Pete remembers his baby is safe inside him. He's never been more grateful for bruised ribs. 

“MAIL CALL!” A voice on the announcement speakers cuts Grace off in her story, and Pete can't help but feel grateful at the distraction. 

“Oooh! Mommy said she was sending a care package this week!” Grace jumps up into a standing posting, almost running to the door. Steph wasn't far behind. Pete however, takes considerably longer getting up- you try jumping to your feet when you're 7 months pregnant- and by the time they've made it to the door he's only to his knees. 

“W-wait up!” He calls weakly after them. “You know, some of us are making a human here!”  

“Oh shit!” Steph rushes back to him, placing her hands around his waist. “Here, lean on me.” 

Eventually, with her help, Pete's able to struggle to his feet. “Thanks,” he pants once he's properly standing, “I swear it gets harder every time I do that.” 

He adjusts his shirt and watches out the corner of his eye as Steph worries her bottom lip with her teeth. It's honestly adorable and if Grace weren’t watching he would kiss her. “Probably because the baby knows you should be resting. You should go back to your bunk, I'll get any mail you have.” 

“Are you sure?” 

She nods and places a hand on his bump. “I can carry an extra package. Besides, I promised your brother I'd take care of you.” 

“Ok ok, I'll go rest.  But I promise I'm fine. It's just getting harder to move now that I'm showing like this.” Pete promises. In lieu of a kiss, Pete chooses to tuck a lock of Steph's hair behind her ear. “See you soon?” 

“I'll be as fast as I can.”

The walk back to his cabin is one of the first times Pete's been alone since his release from solitary, everyone being too busy reading letters from their parents to focus on him. He's glad for the silence it provides, it's like he can hear himself think for the first time in so long. Ever the introvert, Pete had always enjoyed his alone time, and it was something that he'd missed while at camp. Whether it be a sermon, concerts, camp activities, or answering questions for the other campers, Pete was always surrounded by other people these days. It was nice to just listen to the uninterrupted sounds of nature: the wind blowing, the birds chirping, and- 

“Peter!” 

And the call of an overly perky camp counselor. 

He groans as Girl Jeri walks up to him, her ever present sunshiny smile plastered to her face. She's holding a checklist in her hand, probably some kind of itinerary but Pete honestly doesn't care enough to ask. 

“Mail's here.” She says. “Aren't you going to see if you got anything?”

“Steph said she'd check for me. I was going to rest in my cabin. After all, it's hard work carrying the Messiah.” Pete answers, making sure to really drive home that last bit. Can't let her think he was lying about it being immaculate (he totally was). 

Jeri nods. “Right. I suppose that makes sense. Can I walk you to your cabin?” 

Every part of Pete wants to say no, but he just nods instead. Better to stay in her good graces for now. “Okay. If you're not busy.” He says, praying she'll back out. 

She doesn't, and next thing Pete knows he's walking with Girl Jeri, neither of them saying a word. Pete's once beloved silence now thick heavy between them. He desperately searches for any shred of a conversation, but it's all in vain. All he can do is hope that she'll say something to break the tension between them.

His hopes are answered when she turns to him. “How has the pregnancy been treating you?” She asks. Pete winces. Not a conversation he particularly wants to have with Girl Jeri but beggars be choosers. 

“It's been okay. The morning sickness was pretty bad at first, but that calmed down before camp started.” 

Jeri nods, never making eye contact with him. “That's good to hear. And the baby? They seem healthy?” 

“Oh, yeah.” He nods, not wanting to divulge any more information than he has to. Like hell he would willingly tell one of the Jerries about Bean. Even if Girl Jeri wasn't as extreme. “They're really active.”

“Good. That's a good sign that they're healthy.” She smiles again, that cloyingly sweet, fake smile that drives Pete insane. It was dangerous, like when Boy Jerry smiled at him, but it was just so vacant of any real emotion. It reminds him of his mom showing him ‘The Stepford Wives’ for the first time: all those poor women turned into robots, fake smiles on their faces to hide their real emotions. And yet this time it's different. Pete swears for just a millisecond he can see something that looks like longing in Girl Jeri's eyes. Then, just as quickly as it came, it's gone and that overly perky expression is back. “You know, I've heard from one of the counselors that you've been tutoring some of the other campers in religion, is that so?” 

Some of the campers was putting it lightly. He'd continued to have talks with the others every night since that first night, answering whatever questions they had about puberty and the like, and every night their numbers had grown. It had started with just girls attending, but soon enough the guys had joined them. Now they had a pretty mixed group of 20 or so campers, and Pete was sure that there would be more tonight. 

Pete sighs, having known this talk was coming for a while. Truthfully, he's shocked it took this long for it to come out. Sure he told his group to keep their meetings a secret from the Jerries, but with their numbers it had to be hard to miss. If anything, he's glad that it's Girl Jeri who found out first. Boy Jerry would probably call it mutiny if he knew. 

“I've been talking to some of the campers, yes.” He answers carefully. The last thing he needs is for the rest of camp to get punished because of him. “But I don't know if I'd call it tutoring. I'm just answering questions.”

“Yes, questions that require your ‘heavenly wisdom’.” Jeri says and if not for the coy smile on her lips Pete would think he was in trouble.

“Well I am carrying the child of God, so I suppose I'm getting some kind of wisdom via osmosis. Like I said, I just answer their questions.” 

“Well your answers are getting popular. You have a bright future as a pastor.” Pete can't keep the grimace off of his face at the idea of him as a pastor. This was one thing: Grace was the main force behind their movement, and if Pete went along with her ideas to survive camp, then that was nobody's business but his own. 

But standing in front of a church week after week? Preaching beliefs he doesn't have based on something he knew was a lie? He couldn't imagine doing that. 

Maybe that was the difference between him and Boy Jerry: Boy Jerry would do anything for control, Pete just wanted to be left alone.

“I don't want to be a pastor.” He says definitively. 

Jeri blinks at him, like she never comprehended that he wouldn't want to go into religion. “Well it's still nice to see you getting along with the other campers.” She says in a chipper voice. 

“Would your Co-head Pastor agree with you if he knew?” Pete can't keep the venom out of his voice as he speaks. 

“Who says Jerry doesn't know?” 

“Come on.” He almost laughs at her weak defense. “We both know that if Boy Jerry found out that I was, in your own words, preaching to the campers he'd have me back in solitary for the rest of camp.” 

They've reached the Gomorrah Cabin by now, and Pete doesn't bother waiting for her answer before going inside and plopping down onto his bed. He expects Jeri to leave him, she probably has a million things to do around camp, but she doesn't. Instead she walks in and sits on the bed beside him. 

“He really does care about you, you know?” She says after a moment. Pete doesn't bother hiding the snort she illicit. “I mean it. He cares about all his campers.”

“Well he has a funny way of showing it.” He lies back on the bed. 

“Peter, he's just trying to look out for everyone.” 

Pete sits back upright at her words, albeit with a bit of a struggle. “Look out for everyone? From the moment I came here, Jerry has been on a mission to humiliate me. How on Earth is that looking out for everyone?” 

“Well you haven't made it easy on him, claiming that you're having the second coming of Christ.”

“Who says I'm not?” Pete retorts, unwilling to drop the charade for even a second. 

“Peter-”

“And none of this would have ever come about if he hadn't tried to label me as a whore to the entire camp!” Pete says in frustration. “Do you know how humiliating that is?” 

At his words Jeri goes still, staring at him with an expression that Pete can't read. Tears well in her eyes, and he's sure he's pushed it too far. It’s only for a moment though but then she schools her features. Then she blinks them away and speaks once more.

“I know his methods might seem strange but he just wants to keep everyone safe and on the path of the Lord.” Jeri answers, her voice strangely calm. 

“And looking at a teen that you think made a mistake and making an example out of them is Godly?” He can't believe what she's saying. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Jesus all about forgiving sinners? That doesn't seem very forgiving to me.”

“He just wanted to show that there are real world consequences to having sex. There are benefits to being abstinent, religion aside. Aids, herpes, countless other STDs, not to mention teen pregnancy.” Pete bristles at the comment and Jeri is quick to back track. “I know you love your child, but Be honest with me. Would you have chosen to have them right before your senior year?” 

“I did choose to have them right before my senior year.” Pete says, remembering the hours of talks with Steph over what they wanted to do, and then again. He knew the task he was taking on and he was doing it anyway. “I chose to carry God's child even though I'm still in high school.” 

“Furthermore, he doesn't care about keeping people safe. He just wants to control them.” He stands up from the bed and starts pacing, anger rushing through his veins. “Boy Jerry, a supposed godly man, saw me and decided that I deserved to be humiliated. He tried to make me into the laughing stock of camp. And when I defended myself, he locked me in solitary for undermining his authority. I would probably still be locked up if not for Grace Chastity. There's a lot of men like that in the Bible, Girl Jeri, and I wouldn't use godly to describe any of them.” 

Pete is left panting in the center of the cabin, his outburst having sapped most of his energy. Angrily, he looks to Jeri for a response, expecting her to justify the actions of her coworker. But she doesn't. She doesn't say anything. She simply stands up and walks over to Pete, placing her hand on his shoulder, and looks him dead in the eyes. 

“Since we clearly can't come to an agreement, I'll leave. It's not worth stressing you or the baby.” Jeri says when she finally finally speaks. Then her gaze flits away from Pete to around the cabin, taking in its contents, before landing on the back corner of the room. “But I hope you realize how privileged you are. You get to be so brazen in your opinions because you've got a lot of support. Most people in your position aren't so lucky.”  And for a moment Pete thinks she’s speaking from personal experience.

She looks back to Pete, nods, and turns for the door. But, just as she reaches the cabin's door, Jeri turns back to him once more. “I won't tell Boy Jerry about your meetings with the other campers. I think you're doing a good thing, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him.” 

Then without another word she's outside, probably headed to set up for the evening bonfire, leaving Pete alone in his cabin with only one question on his mind: 

What the actual fuck was her deal?

-

He still doesn't have an answer for said question when Steph walks in not even 10 minutes later as promised she's carrying two care packages, balanced so precariously that Pete has to get the door for her so she doesn't fall. 

“Jesus, I swear your brother packed an actual elephant in here or something.” She jokes once she's sat the packages on the bed with a dramatic sigh. “It weighs twice as much as whatever my dad sent me, lucky.” 

Pete wants to joke back, and wants to say that it's fine because Solomon Lauter probably wouldn't know what was interesting to teens if it hit him in the head. But his brain is still stuck on his conversation with Girl Jeri, so he doesn't respond, only staring at the spot in the corner where the counselor had kept looking. 

“If there's any candy in there you better share it with me.” Steph jokes as she sits down beside him, kissing his cheek as she does so. It's only then that she notices his demeanor, frowning as she squeezes his hand. “Hey, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Is it the baby? Should we call a doctor? It's too soon for you to go into labor yet right?”

She's starting to panic now, placing her hands on his cheeks as if to check for a fever. The motion is enough to startle Pete from his trance. “Sorry I spaced out there.” 

Steph sighs in relief “Jesus Christ you scared me. I thought something was wrong with Bean.” 

“Sorry.” Pete mumbles. He hadn't wanted to worry her. Not when she's so on edge already. 

“It's fine, Pete.” Steph promises. “What's wrong?”

“It's nothing.”

Steph raises an eyebrow and Pete can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He's never been good at keeping secrets from her. Especially not since he realized he was pregnant. “You're a shitty liar, Spankoffski, you know that right? You were spaced out for like a solid 5 minutes. So spill. What's on your mind?” 

“I don't want to worry you.” She's bound to freak out if she knows that he fought with Girl Jeri of all people. Everything is finally calming down now. The last thing he needs is to worry Steph. 

“Well not knowing is worrying me.” She deadpans. “So talk or else I'll be forced to take drastic measures.”

He gasps in mock horror. “You wouldn't dare.” 

“Oh I dare.” Steph grins. “Who would have thought the father of Christ would be so ticklish.” 

Her hands reach ever so slowly towards him. “Talk, or else it's tickles for you.” She just reaches the hem of his shirt when he breaks. 

“Okay okay, I give in.” Pete says, raising his hands in surrender. 

“Good boy.” Steph says with a shit eating grin, and if those two words were enough to make Pete blush so heavily that his ears turned red, well that's a secret he'll take to his grave. “Now, spill, before the tickle monster comes back.”

“Okay. It's jus-” Pete takes a deep breath. Time to get it over with. Just rip it off like a bandaid. “Girl Jeri stopped by for a chat.”

“Girl Jeri?” Steph repeats incredulously. Yep, Pete can already hear the anger in her voice. “Shit, did she say something to you? I swear I'll-” 

“It's fine.” He cuts her off. Better to finish his thoughts before she was too upset to hear him. “She asked me about our group talks every night and then we sorta argued about Boy Jerry.” 

“She argued with you? That-”

“It's not like that. She just kept trying to say he just cares about everyone, which is a fucking lie.” 

“Fuck, Pete.” Steph runs a hand through her hair. “What's her problem, arguing with a teenager when she's like what? 30? And waiting til you were alone to do it? I can't believe her.”

“It's fine. We kinda agreed to disagree in the end.”

“Agreed to disagree? Seriously? She picked a fight with you and she wants to agree to disagree?”

“Technically I think I picked the fight. I just kinda snapped.” 

“Well she shouldn't have continued it. She's older, she's a counselor, not to mention you're pregnant and probably hormonal.” 

“That's not even what's bothering me.” Pete sighs. “It's her whole… demeanor? I guess. One minute she's this ever chipper counselor and then she'll look at me and will almost cry. I don't get it.”

“Maybe she's just horrified to see a pregnant teen.” Steph jokes. 

“Maybe.” Pete sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It's just… Boy Jerry is a total dick, but at least I know where I stand with him. I never know what I'm getting with her.”

“Hey,” Steph says, lifting his chin so he's looking her in the eye, “you've got enough to worry about without adding in the problems of a random camp counselor. Just focus on you okay?” 

Pete nods. “Yeah, you're right. It's not worth it.” 

“It's not.” Steph agrees. Then she adds. “But if you want me to deal with her for arguing with you I will.” 

“It's fine Steph. I'm over the fight already. Everything is going good right now, let's not push it.” 

She eventually nods but, judging by her white knuckled grin on her shorts, Pete can tell she's still pissed. “You're right. It's not worth jeopardizing the wedding.” 

“It's not.” Pete smiles at that. The pair sit there for a moment, content to enjoy the silence and each other's company. 

“Speaking of weddings,” Steph says after a minute or two. She leans over and pushes the long forgotten package towards him. “There should be a letter from Ted in here.” 

“Right. Hopefully he took the news well.” Pete nods as he struggles to open the package. Stupid camp and their stupid lack of scissors. Honestly, how did they expect anyone to cut through packing tape without scissors? The least they could do is open the tape ahead of time. Then again, Pete didn't trust the Jerries not to snoop through the mail, so maybe it was a blessing that it was still shut. 

“How did your Dad react?” He asks as he struggles to peel the tape. 

Steph shrugs. “About as expected. ‘I'll support the marriage since having a baby out of wedlock won't be good press but this changes nothing: you are still my daughter and I still expect you to act in a manner benefiting the mayor's daughter. Do not let this damage my campaign.’” She says in a bad imitation of Solomon's voice. 

Pete laughs as he finally tears the last piece of tape off. “Sounds like your dad alright.” 

“Tell me about it. I swear I think he forgot that children have their own personalities when he adopted me.” 

Pete doesn't respond, too busy opening his own care package to do. Inside is a variety of items: clothes, candy, and bottle of lotion, but Pete ignores all of it for the yellow CRRP branded envelope. He snorts. Just like Ted to steal stationery from work rather than buy it himself. Without hesitation, he opens the letter and reads it aloud. 

Pete 

Paul says I should write a list of what's in the care package for you. Personally, I think it's a dumb idea, you can clearly see what I sent but this gets him off my back. There's some bigger clothes for you, a couple of new maternity bras (don't blame me if they don't fit it was already awkward trying to buy bras for my LITTLE BROTHER), some chocolate bars, a couple of your comic books, and a bottle of vitamin E lotion (Emma says it'll help with stretch marks). 

I'm glad you and the baby are both okay. I was ready to wring Jerry's stupid neck with his own cross when he said I wasn't allowed to call you. He's still as much of a chode as he was when we were teenagers, I see. If you ever want to give him hell, just ask why he never pursued his rap career further. Or don't. He'll probably make you kneel on rice or something. 

I heard they placed you in one of solitary cabin for privacy. Just like your brother. I spent the whole summer you were born in that room. If you look hard enough you'll probably find some of my old porn. 

I got the wedding invitation from Grace. Almost had a heart attack when I opened it. I'd say next time warn me before you get engaged, but I'm guessing you don't want there to be a next time. I'll let you off the hook though since you technically tried to warn me. I bet Jerry almost had a stroke when he realized you getting married would mean you two could share a cabin. Would have fucking loved to see that. 

Everyone back home misses you. Ruth and Max stop by all the time. Hell even Emma misses you. Apparently I've become her new least favorite customer now that you're gone so thanks for that. Think I'm getting extra spit in my chai now, not that I'm complaining. 

Can't wait to see you for parents weekend. You better let me walk you down the aisle you little shit. And if you want to leave early just demand to call home. I'll come pick you up. 

See you soon 

Ted

PS Warning: Grandma Lorie is coming to the wedding. No, I couldn't stop her. Be prepared.

-

A/N: Next time, on Hail Petey, Full of Grace... will Ted punch Boy Jerry in the mouth, what is going on with Girl Jeri, and who is Grandma Lorie? Tune in next chapter to find out!

Seriously though, I hope you enjoyed this! I had way too much fun writing this chapter. Special shout out to my coauthors Pizza and Spoons for keeping me sane when I realized I hated the original draft and scrapped it. And shoutout to loveluck's hatchetfield server, without it this au wouldn't exist.

-

Taglist:

@daisyybellls

@iamnotyoshi

@lady-loveluck

@forever-forgotten-angel

[natequarter]

team "sharks are smooth":

faraday. in fact, he started the joke at conclave whilst looking for ways to piss goddard off. nobody realises he came up with it. he finds it absolutely hilarious to troll the hell out of other scythes like this, because surely someone as wise as faraday could never be so stupid

rowan. faraday introduced him to the idea, and he regularly uses it to fuck with goddard. at one point during his time as goddard's prisoner, he said it to goddard, and goddard got so angry he made rand drop a piano on rowan to render him deadish

rand. she doesn't mention it to goddard, but she secretly finds it hilarious

sister astrid

chomsky. he doesn't realise it's a joke; he genuinely thinks it's true

tyger. he joins in with rowan because it's really funny

jeri. jeri has seen many sharks. touched them, even. jeri can confirm: they are smooth

constantine. nobody is entirely sure if he believes it's true or not

team "sharks are not smooth":

goddard. it drives him mad. no one knows why, but it makes him genuinely murderous with rage. more so than usual, that is. once somebody said it to him in the street and he gleaned them on the spot

citra. much like goddard, it makes her furious, and she has berated rowan countless times for his terrible grasp of science. she has done actual research in the thunderhead's backbrain and if the thunderhead says it's not true, it must be wrong! sharks aren't smooth, rowan!!!

the thunderhead, as it is sadly incapable of being wrong. however, it does find the joke amusing

munira, who has had to deal with too many annoying people wrong about basic facts in her time as a librarian and academic

greyson, who initially doesn't get it. after he becomes the toll, however, he starts spreading the word: sharks are smooth

morrison. he does it to please citra. it's the only thing that actually makes her like him

eaten by sharks:

curie

[isagrimorie]

In 'Scorpion Part I' [Janeway] was becoming a little more risk-taking, and edgy, and frankly, a little bit more like Kate Mulgrew. I've always said, even Jeri Taylor used to always say, 'If Captain Janeway were only more like Kate, we would have a much better captain on our hands.' For whatever reason, our writing and Kate's kind of freewheeling personality seemed to come together a bit more, at the end of the [third] season -Joe Menosky, Star Trek Monthly, issue 33

--

We realized we were going too far and too fast and pulled back. It’s a real strange feedback phenomenon. You’ll do an episode, see what works, and adjust with a new character accordingly if you feel as though you’ve gone off track. It’s also true of characters that we felt weren’t working entirely successfully; you find new directions for them based on feedback. Jeri Taylor would say, “If Captain Janeway was only half as cool as Kate Mulgrew, we’d be better off.” So in the third season I specifically remember doing some dialogue for Janeway with Brannon, and Kate just played the hell out of it. We realized we should do it more, because we had done something that allowed Kate to inject her personality even more into it. So we gave her more of those kinds of moments, like in “Scorpion” where she’s making her deal with the devil, actually the Borg.

JOE MENOSKY, The Fifty-Year Mission: The Next 25 Years: From the Next Generation to J. J. Abrams

Even Kate Mulgrew felt she played Janeway better when the writers allowed a little more of her personality to inhabit Janeway:

"And when they finally allowed Mulgrew to inhabit Janeway, she took off. I'd say that was about the end of the second/beginning of the third season. Every nuance that I could give to her, all those subtle endowments that were mine, that Mulgrew brought to Janeway. That's when you fall in love. I couldn't do it without her, and she couldn't do it without me." : – Kate Mulgrew

The Voyager writers are so funny.

If Jeri Taylor's been saying: "if Captain Janeway were only more like Kate, we would have a much better captain on our hands."

WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS WRITE JANEWAY LIKE THAT EARLIER?

The moment they finally wrote towards their instincts with Janeway, Janeway began to really sing.

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

The Hope in the Fault Lines, Part 2

I was expecting this part to take much longer to write.............but here it is!! part 2 of 5 in the series. Go read Part 1 if you haven't already!! Warnings: implied sexual behavior, sick child, one scene takes place in a hospital, implied PTSD (it's never said but she has it), death of sibling, this part is a bit of a rooooooooooough time but bear with me Word count: 5.6 k for part 2

par t 1 | part 3 | part 4

Before

You bit your lip as you looked at Jeri in the mirror. “You look beautiful,” you had told her, your voice hesitant.

“You sound so convincing,” she said sarcastically, adjusting her veil and smoothing her hands over the sleek bodice of her minimalist-chic wedding dress. “What’s your deal?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” you had asked her. “Get married? I mean, that means you’re stuck with him.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Not everyone is a workaholic and commitmentphobe,” she reminded you. “I’m in love with Jisung, sweetheart. We’ve been together for two years.”

“Is that long enough?” you had wondered out loud. “I mean, what if there’s something bad you don’t know about him? What if he committed a crime or something?”

Jeri gave you her best “you’re being ridiculous” look. “You remember who we’re talking about, right?” she asked you. “Jisung gets stressed out if he accidentally forgets to signal when he changes lanes. There’s no way he could commit a whole crime.”

You had to admit that was fair. She took your hands in hers. “I know what this is really about,” she said. “And I’m not making the mistake that mom made. I know what I’m doing.”

You had smiled at the confidence in her tone. In that moment, she seemed so mature and self-assured that you forgot she was your younger sister. Somewhere in this beautiful house, you knew Jisung was coming apart at the seams, and the thought of how the man must be panicking over every single detail of the day while your sister waited calmly to walk down the aisle was suddenly very funny to you. Downstairs, the music started, and you squeezed Jeri’s hands before tucking one of them into the crook of your elbow. 

“Ready?” you asked, feeling a whirlwind of emotions -- pride, worry, joy -- but giving your sister a smile.

“Ready,” she confirmed, and together you had headed down the stairs, where everyone in the wide chapel room had stood and turned their heads to gaze open-mouthed as you, Jeri’s only sibling, walked her down the aisle.

***

“Thanks for texting,” you say as you arrive home and Mingyu hands Sara into your outstretched arms. “The updates are really great. And thanks for grabbing the books! I’ll read to her tonight.”

The first two weeks of Mingyu’s employment have seen a drastic improvement in your mental state. For one thing, Mingyu keeps the house clean, so there isn’t the added weight of messiness and clutter. For another, you are able to work without the mental load of being away from Sara because you receive regular updates throughout the day. And finally, though it’s a bit embarrassing to admit, Mingyu is just a soothing presence. You only see him for a few minutes before work and after work every day, but it’s always so easy and pleasant to talk to him that you genuinely look forward to it. 

Your weekend time with Sara seems to be improving, too -- perhaps she can sense you’re breathing easier, which makes her less fussy, or maybe she’s just gotten used to you. Either way, she’s becoming more like she was before the accident, which does your heart a lot of good. And you love holding her, talking to her, and hearing her little babbles and shrieks. Obviously the circumstances of your parenthood are shit, but the actual parenthood part is turning out to be better than you thought.

“Just a heads-up -- I think she might be a little under the weather. She’s been fussy and low-energy today.” Mingyu looks between you and Sara, a little worry tinging his voice.

You look down at Sara’s flushed pink cheeks in worry. “Oh no,” you say. “Um, thanks for letting me know.”

“I got baby cough medicine,” he tells you. “So if she does come down with something, it’s in the cupboard where you keep your vitamins.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you breathe. “Thank you.” You stroke Sara’s head, which she’s buried in the crook of your neck in exhaustion. “Don’t wanna say bye to Mingyu?” you ask her softly.

He brushes a broad hand over her black curls. “Bye, Sara. See you tomorrow.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” you say suddenly. “I have to leave Thursday night for a short day trip for the magazine. It’s nothing major -- I’m only staying overnight because the city is a couple hours away and I don’t love driving at night. Would you be alright staying with her?”

He nods. “As long as you’re paying me, I’ll be here,” he jokes.

“You’re a star,” you say, and he chuckles. “I’ll pay you time and a half for overnight stuff.”

“Thanks,” he says. “I’ll let you get her to bed, then.”

He gives you a smile that would make anyone weak in the knees, and you can’t help but smile back as he leaves. Turning your attention to Sara, you inspect her face. “Hmm,” you say, your brow creasing in worry at her dull eyes and ruddy cheeks. She does look ill, and this thought seems to hover uncomfortably in the back of your mind as you sit her in the bathtub. She fusses and cries during her bath, which is uncommon -- she loves splashing around, and usually bathtime is full of giggles and smiles. You bite the inside of your cheek and wash her off, toweling her dry a bit more thoroughly than usual to make sure she doesn’t go to bed with any part of her still wet.

You bring her to bed with you instead of putting her in her crib. You used to do this because you were so exhausted during nighttime feedings, and falling asleep in the rocking chair meant an aching neck in the morning. You still remember how terrified you were that you would roll over Sara and suffocate her. But gradually you learned that you woke with any small noise of Sara’s, and your fear had subsided. Now, she slept in your bedroom more nights than she slept in her crib -- and tonight, it felt extra necessary to keep a close eye on her.

Sure enough, around four in the morning you wake to sniffles punctuated by soft coughs. Sleepily, you lift Sara into your arms. She nuzzles into you, and you relax a bit -- clearly she is well enough to at least be aware of you. Allowing yourself to doze off, you wake up just before 5:30 and decide to actually get ready before Mingyu arrived.

You lay Sara back on the bed with a small kiss on her cheek, noting that it isn’t much warmer than it usually is (which means no fever), and take an open-door, open-curtain shower -- one where you could still see Sara’s little figure swaddled in the bed. You don’t get your hair wet, and you curl it once you get out. Finally, you actually put on makeup for the first time since your sister died. 

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you realize that you barely recognize this creature staring back at you. Her hollow cheeks and dark under-eyes have been concealed by an artful hand, but the colors in her gaze betray her. Perhaps it was just because you knew everything you’d gone through, but it is obvious to you that the eyes tell all -- the crushing nothingness of grief, the bitter rage, the dimness of despair. You remind yourself to avoid looking at the mirror too closely from now on.

Sara is still fast asleep when you finish around 6:45. You decide it’s best if she stays asleep for the sake of her health, so you carefully move her to her crib just as Mingyu’s knock sounds at the door. You tip-toe down the stairs to get it. “Hi,” you whisper to him as you open the door.

He seems taken aback for a moment, but recovers quickly. “Hey,” he says at a normal volume as he strides over the threshold and removes his shoes. “You look really nice, boss.”

“Oh!” you say, still whispering, remembering the makeup and the woman you couldn’t say was you in the mirror. “Um, thanks. Uh, Sara’s still asleep.”

He nods, looking a bit sheepish at how loud he’d been, and that little pinch of worry reappeared between his eyebrows. “Did she sleep okay?” he whispers back.

“She slept through the night, actually,” you tell him. “I’m thinking we should just let her sleep as long as she wants -- her body needs rest.”

Mingyu nodded. “That sounds like a good idea. How did you sleep?” he asks you, eyeing you carefully.

“Not too bad,” you say, feeling a little anxious under the weight of his gaze. “I woke up a little earlier than normal, but I got enough.” You give him a small smile. “How did you sleep, now that we’re at it?”

He grins. “I slept great. Thanks for asking.”

“Good to hear,” you say. 

You just stand there in the kitchen, smiling awkwardly at each other, before Mingyu says, “so...have you eaten yet?”

“Oh! Um, no,” you say, wondering why you’re always surprised whenever he chooses to speak to you even though you’re literally the only one in the room.

“Let me make you something,” he says. “We’ve got a lot of time until you need to leave, and I’ve never seen you eat breakfast.”

“I’m surprised you noticed that,” you say quietly. 

He winks at you. “I notice everything,” he says. “So, do you like eggs?”

He goes to the fridge and starts removing things. “Yes, I do,” you say, sincerely hoping he was just teasing and he doesn’t notice how you’re blushing. 

You only realize you’re staring him down when he looks at you with one eyebrow raised. “You in there?”

“Oh,” you say, yet again. You’re flustered today -- for some reason, it feels like your thoughts are taking a longer time than is average to come out of your mouth in any way that makes sense. You fixate on his broad hands chopping some garlic, and suddenly you’re speaking. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just...it’s a little stupid, but Jeri -- my sister, you know -- she was the one who always made me breakfast when we lived together in college. Even...even years later, she’d still text me occasionally to make sure I’d eaten.”

Where had that come from? Sure, it was all true -- the hard lump in your throat that made it difficult to say was evidence of that -- but why had you suddenly confessed such a thing to your nanny? You sigh. “Sorry, I don’t -- don’t really know why I just...told you that. Out of nowhere.” You look down at your hands, embarrassed.

He nods slowly, and his smile is tinged with sadness. “It’s okay,” he tells you. “I don’t mind.” He begins cracking eggs into the pan, stirring them with a pair of chopsticks to scramble them up. “What was your sister like?”

You raise your eyebrows at him. “What?” he says. “I’m curious. You don’t have to tell me, but I do genuinely want to know.”

Your mouth twists into a half-smile. “Well, she and I were like two sides of the same coin,” you say, going to sit at the island in the middle of the wide kitchen so he can hear you over the sizzling vegetables and eggs in the pan. “Inseparable since childhood, you know. She’s two years younger than I am, but it always felt like we were twins, somehow. She was...” 

You trail off, thinking. Mingyu is glancing between you and the eggs on the stove, but you can tell he’s listening. Maybe it’s the quiet of the morning, and maybe it’s just him, but the dam breaks, and words spill out. “She was just as stubborn as me, but she didn’t have the ambition I have, or maybe the better word is ‘hubris’. I wanted to build something that would outlast me, but she just wanted to live somewhere quiet with her husband and a houseful of kids. But neither of us ever...ever tried to talk each other out of what we wanted. We both knew, I guess. She knew I couldn’t stand being mediocre, and I knew she hated the spotlight. And God, I loved that about her. She never resented me for my success or my money, because there was no competition.”

Mingyu takes the eggs off the stove and plates them in one smooth move, setting them in front of you as you finish speaking. He smiles at you as he hands you a fork. “She sounds great,” he says. 

“She is,” you say. “Was,” you correct. Your eyes suddenly burn, and to distract yourself, you pick up a glob of eggs with the fork and blow on it, eating it. Your eyes go wide. “These are good!” you exclaim.

Mingyu gives a sarcastic little bow. “Thanks,” he says. He’s interrupted by a cry from the baby monitor -- Sara seems to have woken up.

You move to stand up to grab her, but Mingyu stops you. “You eat,” he instructs. “I’ll go get her.”

You watch him go up the stairs with the trace of a smile as you continue eating the eggs. He comes downstairs with Sara a few minutes later, and her little head is resting against his big shoulder. He’s bouncing her gently, and you are struck for a moment at how tiny she looks in his thick arms.

In minutes you’ve finished your eggs, knowing you don’t have long until you need to leave. But you do wash your plate and the pan that Mingyu used to make the eggs, despite his protests. “I may not have given the impression that I know how to do the dishes the first few weeks you worked here, but I promise I do,” you tease. 

He shakes his head, amused. “I know you do, you just don’t seem like someone who should wash dishes.”

“Why?” you ask indignantly.

He shrugs. “Kind of like how a queen shouldn’t make her own bed in the morning. You’ve got me for that.”

You actually laugh at that. “Are you calling me a queen?”

He nods his head emphatically. “Of course you are,” he says with a grin. 

Your smile is big enough that it’s hurting your face. “Well, thank you,” you say. “But you’re not my maid. In fact,” you continue, and grab your now-clean fork, “I think you deserve a promotion.”

In a dramatic march, you make your way over to Mingyu, who watches you with amused eyes as you stop in front of him, reaching up to tap both his shoulders with the fork before tapping the crown of his head. “You’ve been knighted,” you say seriously. And he giggles at you -- a surprisingly high, breathy sound that instantly fills you with warmth.

“I’m gonna ask all my friends to call me Sir Mingyu,” he tells you. 

Solemnly, you nod. “I’m glad to know this went straight to your head.”

He laughs again, and you start to walk away. “Well, Princess Sara and Sir Mingyu, have a lovely day. The queen needs to go to work.”

He’s still grinning at your antics by the time you make it out the door.

On the drive to work, you catch yourself smiling to yourself. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been silly like that -- it had probably been since college, and even then that side of you didn’t come out often. You had grown up far too fast, a necessity in a household like you grew up in, and the only person who really could bring it out of you had been Jeri, whom you had been that way for to try to save her from growing up too fast, too.

When Mingyu had entered your house today, he’d been your employee, but when you’d left the house, you felt that you had kind of become friends. The thought, as odd as it was, was also comforting. Because raising a child with a nanny felt clinical and business-y of you, but raising a kid with a friend was probably the closest this could get to how it should be. You make a mental note to make a raise schedule for Mingyu so that he never ever ever leaves your employment.

***

Before

You look between Jisung and Jeri with a raised eyebrow. Letting out a puff of air, you lean forward. “The things I have seen today,” you say while pinching the bridge of your nose, “are things I never thought I’d see when I asked you to house-sit for me. And things I’m expecting and hoping to never see again. Are we clear?”

Jisung’s face is bright red, and Jeri looks traumatized. They both nod.

“Although I am pretty impressed at your creativity,” you continue, feeling the need to lighten the mood in the room. “The kitchen island, Jisung? I mean, that was acrobatic of you both.”

The two of them look at each other and burst into giggles. “Okay, we’re sorry,” Jeri says, her face just as red as Jisung’s, but she can finally look you in the eye. “But can you blame us? I mean, we’re newlyweds.”

“Newlyweds who got carried away,” you agree. “Jisung, it’s okay. I’m not going to commit any murders today. You can look at me.”

“I am so embarrassed,” your sister’s husband groans. “It was my fault, I just --”

Jeri cuts in. “No, it was me, I just --”

You roll your eyes. “I really don’t care who started it. I just care that every single inch of this kitchen is sprayed with medical-grade chemicals and that you promise to never ever ever let me catch you like that again. Especially in my own house.”

“Deal,” says Jeri. Her eyes are twinkling with humor, and you have to concentrate to keep yourself from grinning at her. Because she knows what you’re about to say as Jisung hurries out of the room for the bleach.

“Damn, girl. Good for you.”

***

“Boss?” Cory’s voice sounds as though it’s coming to you from down a long hallway, and you snap back to earth with a little shake of your head.

“Sorry, Cory,” you say, shifting in your seat and reaching for your glass of water. “What were you saying?”

Cory picks at the potatoes on his plate and looks around the fancy restaurant at anything but you before fixing you with a blue-eyed gaze that is surprisingly intense. “I figured this would be the best time to confess.”

What? You’re sure you misheard him. “Confess?” you repeat.

“Yeah,” he says, and in spite of himself, he’s grinning. “Listen, we’ve worked together for seven years. We met freshman year of college, and you really believed in me more than anyone ever has in my life. I -- I’ve kept this in for a long time, actually. Years.”

“Are you telling me you have feelings for me?” you ask him bluntly.

“Well, yeah,” he says, and he blushes. “Are you telling me you had no idea?”

“I seriously didn’t,” you say, your head spinning. You take a deep breath and pray you’ll find the right words. “Listen...I appreciate you so much, Cory. I couldn’t ask for a better editor, and you’re absolutely right -- I have so much faith in you and your skills. This business, my business, wouldn’t be anywhere without you.”

He gives you a sad half-smile. “But?” he says.

“But,” you say, nodding. “But my sister just died, like, three and a half months ago. And I’m still trying to figure out what my life looks like from here. A lot is changing for me...and even if it weren’t, I still don’t think I’d be sure how I felt about being in a relationship with anyone.”

Cory seems to chew on these words as you speak. “Well, I can’t say that comes as a surprise to me,” he says after awhile. “But it was getting to be too much for me to hold in.”

“I understand,” you say, avoiding his gaze.

“Listen,” he says, and he reaches across the table to put a hand over yours. “I want you to take your time and think about it. Think about me, in that way. Figure out if it makes sense in your head like it makes sense in mine. I won’t give up on you, so take your time.”

“Okay,” you say. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” he says -- but you aren’t apologizing for anything you said. You’re apologizing for the way you want to run out of the restaurant, far away from the yearning look in his eyes.

***

Before

“But what if --”

“Save it,” Jeri says, brushing mascara over your eyelashes. 

“Seriously though. What if I --”

“You’re not going to mess it up,” she tells you. She closes the tube of mascara and then pulls the graduation cap from your bag. “Just do the speech like you practiced. You ran it through with me like a thousand times.” She pins the cap on in record speed.

“But what if I do mess it up?” you finally say.

She puts both her hands on your shoulders and gives you a look that shuts you up right away. “If there’s one thing I know about my sister, it’s that she is always prepared.”

You swallow hard at this. “Oh, God,” you breathe. “I’m not sure...”

“Why are you so nervous? You were fine yesterday,” she asks you.

“Because what if it all fails? Not just the speech,” you clarify at her quizzical glance. “All my plans, the magazine, the business...what if it all just fails?”

She gives you a gentle look. “Then we’ll start over. We always do.”

This is what gives you the strength to walk onto that stage: the knowledge that even if the worst possible thing happens, you and Jeri will always have each other.

***

There is, in your opinion, nothing worse than being exhausted and anxious. It creates the perfect storm: desperately wanting to close your eyes and escape the thoughts swirling around in your brain, but also being entirely unable to relax, which is the state you find yourself in after the dinner with Cory. So you toss and turn in your hotel room, a three hour drive from home, and wonder how Sara is doing.  

Your last text from Mingyu had come in at around 7pm, and he was putting her to bed then. According to his updates, her cough had gotten worse. Cory’s confession truly couldn’t have come at a worse time, when you were already so preoccupied with Sara’s health. At 10:57pm you check your phone one final time before your exhaustion beats back your anxiety with a stick and you reluctantly sink into uneasy dreams.

It seems like minutes of sleep before you wake to your phone ringing. Your eyes fly open, but you suddenly realize your arms and legs aren’t working as you try to reach for it. Your breath speeds up, but you can’t open your mouth to scream. And spiders seem to be crawling out of the shadows on the walls.

Finally you can twitch your fingers, then move your arms, then sit up and grab your phone. Still shaking, still hyperventilating, still sick with worry, you check the caller ID and your stomach drops -- it’s Mingyu. 

You quickly answer. “Hi,” you say breathlessly.

His voice is slightly muffled. “I’m taking Sara to the hospital,” he says, his tone urgent. “I don’t think she’s breathing very well.”

The air has left your lungs. You hear yourself answer him -- something about thanking him and you’ll see them soon -- and then you drop the phone. For a split second you’re frozen in panic. Then, you leap into action. You grab your keys from the nightstand, leaving everything behind but your phone and its charger, and race down the hallway to the elevator in your pajamas.

What follows is the most tense three hour drive of your life, riddled with flashbacks to phone calls from police officers on the highway. “You’re sister’s been involved in an accident,” you hear over and over in your head. “Come to the hospital.” You’re gripping the wheel so tightly that your knuckles ache, and you alternate between struggling to breathe and silently weeping. There are whole minutes, maybe more, from the drive that you don’t remember. You don’t know if you’re speeding. You don’t know what time it is. The only thing you can think is Please God, don’t let another member of my family die in that goddamn hospital. 

You had hoped you’d never have to walk into this lobby again -- never have to smell the chemicals or see the doctors or talk to the front desk people and tell them who you’re there for. You never wanted to be in this same elevator, going up to this same floor, possibly to the same hallway you’d visited nearly four months earlier. And yet, here you are. It’s like your brain can’t believe it -- nothing feels real. If things got any weirder, you’d be tempted to reach your hand out to the nearest wall, half-expecting it to dissolve into smoke in your hands. 

You round a corner, arriving in another one of those identical hallways, your heart in your throat, and you see him. Mingyu is standing about halfway down the hallway, talking to a doctor, his shoulders set in anxious tension, and before you can stop yourself you’re calling for him. You don’t even register his shocked expression as he turns to see you, and you don’t even realize that you’re running to him before he opens his arms to you and your collide with him.

He wraps you up tight in his grasp. “Hey,” he grunts in your ear, probably from the speed at which your body crashed into his, but his voice is calm. “She’s okay, they’ve got her on an oxygen machine. They’re giving her great care. She’s gonna be fine.”

The doctor clears her throat. “Who is this, Mingyu?” she asks. 

Mingyu doesn’t let go. “She’s the child’s legal guardian,” he explains over your head. 

The doctor makes an understanding noise. “I’ll let you have a minute,” she says.

Mingyu turns his attention back to you. “Breathe for me,” he says. “Big deep breaths.”

You try to obey, and the only thing you can think about is how shaky the breath sounds as it enters your lungs. “Can I see her?” you say, and your voice comes out in a raspy whisper.

“Yeah,” he says. “She’s just in here.”

He ushers you into the hospital room, where Sara lies in a little crib, her nose hooked up to a cannula pumping oxygen into her lungs. You approach her sleeping form, only vaguely aware of Mingyu’s arm across your shoulders, and bend down to brush a trembling hand over her forehead.

“She’s really going to be fine,” Mingyu murmurs to you. You look up at him, and for some reason, the way he is looking at you is what tips you over the edge. The emotions spill over, and you find yourself burying your face in his chest as you sob.

He doesn’t say anything. He just wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer into him and letting you cry. You don’t even have it in you to be ashamed of how desperately you’re clinging to him, fingers bunching into the fabric at the back of his shirt, crying the first tears you’ve shed in front of another person besides Sara since the funeral. His grip on you tightens the harder you sob, and you dazedly consider the idea that Mingyu might be trying to squeeze the sadness out of you. It’s an oddly comforting thought, and soon enough you’ve released all your emotions, the evidence of them two unflattering tearstains on Mingyu’s tee.

You take a calming breath in, pulling back to look at his face. His eyes are red, and his face is set in stony lines. It is then that you realize he’s not okay. 

Several pieces of the puzzle that is the man in front of you seem to collide together in your brain at once: the way he talks about kids and the ease with which he interacts with Sara; the way the doctor seemed to know him on a first name basis; the way he’d held you almost as though he was also trying to hold himself together too. Mingyu is familiar with this particular part of this particular hospital. Mingyu has had personal experience with sick kids.

But you don’t say anything about it yet -- you know it would be too much to ask him to explain what is most probably a complicated and painful history. So you just give him a watery smile and say, “thank you for being here. And for taking such good care of her.” You pause and draw in a hitching breath before adding, “Sir Mingyu.”

He gives the tiniest smile. “I’m glad I was able to get her here in time to get her help.”

“Well, you’ve got a job until Sara moves out,” you promise him.

The smile gets bigger. “That’s a long time,” he says in a falsely skeptical tone. “You sure you won’t get sick of me?”

You roll your eyes. “Oh yeah, I forgot that you’re incredibly unpleasant to be around,” you say scathingly. “But seriously. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to take care of Sara. You need a raise or something.”

He shakes his head. “Just pay Chan a finder’s fee instead,” he jokes. “I’m sure he’d love that.”

“He probably would. And I probably owe him one,” you say, wiping the sticky tear residue from your eyes.

To your surprise, you once again find yourself wrapped up in a tight squeeze from Mingyu. “Thank you for getting here so fast,” he says quietly.

“Of course,” you say. You hesitate before winding your arms around him and squeezing him back -- perhaps hearing the unspoken truth that Mingyu needed you there as much as you needed him.

***

Before

“I’m never going hiking again,” Jeri complains, and Jisung laughs.

“You’re going to see the view, and you’re going to change your mind,” he predicts. 

You grin at their banter -- this is only the second time Jeri has invited her new boyfriend along on one of the hikes, but you can tell he really likes her. And according to that last comment, he also knows her pretty well.

Cory is nearly sprinting up the trail ahead of you. “Come on, guys!” he calls. “We’re almost there.”

You’re feeling a little irritated with him because he tried to guide you in the complete wrong direction, but you try to keep that off your face as you trudge up the mountain. Sure enough, around two more bends is the summit. You are looking into a deep valley with a crystalline lake at the bottom, and the sight pricks your eyes with emotion. You refuse to cry in front of Cory, though, so you instead turn your attention to Jisung and Jeri, the former of whom is carrying your sister the remaining fifteen feet to the summit.

But when your sister sees the valley and the lake, she hops off her boyfriend’s back and scurries nearly to the edge. You have to grab the back of her backpack to stop her from overextending herself and hurtling over the edge of the cliff. “Easy there,” you say to her, but she’s not listening, her eyes shining with the sight. 

“Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” Jeri asks. 

You look back at Jisung, and you can see it in his eyes -- he’s absolutely whipped for her. You’re almost surprised that he doesn’t kiss her in front of all of you. Exasperatedly, you chuckle, thinking privately that you should probably start adding to Jeri’s wedding fund. 

You stay up there for almost an hour before disaster strikes, but surprisingly, it’s you who twists an ankle tripping over some rocks. You wince as the group is making its painfully slow way down the mountain, your ankle throbbing with every step. “I need a breather,” you tell them. “Go on without me.”

But as Jisung and Cory start to move away, Jeri plants herself beside you. “Go on without you?” she repeats. “But we’ll be so entirely lost without you. Don’t worry. I’ll stay with you.”

***

The hospital keeps Sara in for one more night before she’s improved enough to be off the breathing machine. You can’t help but tear up as they place her into your arms, and she reaches up to your face to pat your chin clumsily. “Hey, baby girl,” you coo. “You did so good.”

Alone, you soak in the feeling of her comforting weight on your chest for a few more minutes before gently laying her in her carrier. She fusses a little, and you speak in soothing tones: “Shhh, it’s okay, my love. We’re going home. You won’t have to be in there for too long.”

And then finally, finally, finally, you get home. Walking in the front door with Sara to the empty house feels both soothing and incomplete, and you realize as you hoist her carrier to her bedroom so you can sit in her rocking chair that your mind is on that tall, dark-haired man who laughs at your ridiculousness and held you when you fell to pieces. You had bullied Mingyu into going home to rest, knowing that if he had stayed with you like he planned, he’d be in caretaker mode. You don’t regret your choice to send him home, but you also realize that you feel that he should be here, with the both of you. The fact that he isn’t leaves a small empty space in your heart.

Still, it’s heaven enough to hold Sara and rock her and clean her stuffy nose off every few minutes. Settling back into the chair and letting Sara’s weight onto your chest, you think that there’s almost nothing that could make this moment more perfect. 

And then, you cough.